Stricken
by Angelatil
Summary: Kurt has not been able to deal with Finn's death and after seeing how grief stricken Rachel is, Kurt is afraid he could lose Blaine in the same manner. Instead of bringing Blaine closer, Kurt starts pushing Blaine away. However, will Kurt push Blaine too far away? Will Kurt and Blaine's love be able to survive Kurt's grief?
1. Chapter 1

**Kurt has not been able to deal with Finn's death and after seeing how grief stricken Rachel is, Kurt is afraid he could lose Blaine in the same manner. Instead of bringing Blaine closer, Kurt starts pushing Blaine away. However, will Kurt push Blaine too far away? Will Kurt and Blaine's love be able to survive Kurt's grief?**

**Thank you to my beta Slyn! You have been a tremendous help for this story! :)**

**This is my very first Klaine fic and I hope you guys enjoy! I will update each chapter as soon as I can. :) Please review and let me know what you guys think, if you would like.**

**Stricken**

**Chapter 1**

Kurt sighs and lays back on his bed, deep in thought, playing with his ring. He is thinking about the past year so far. How so much has changed since he graduated from high school. How uncertain his future was at that time and how scary that was to him. In some ways, his future was still uncertain, still as of yet to be written, but now it does not seem as scary as it once was. One does not always have to have the answers right away, the answers will come when they feel like presenting themselves, and not a moment sooner. If Kurt has learned anything in this past year, it has been that.

With this new found knowledge, he is hoping that the answers will come to him some day of why he had to lose his brother, Finn. His face saddens as it seem to do whenever he thinks of his goofy brother. He thinks of the banter they had about "big brother/little brother" as Kurt was older than him by a few months.

_August 2011_

_"Hey there little brother, what ya doing?" asks Finn as he walks in and plops on the couch by Kurt, who is obviously watching TV._

_"Building a skyscraper, what does it look like I am doing? Watching TV," was Kurt's sarcastic reply, shaking his head. "And why do you keep calling me little brother? I am 3 months older than you."_

_Finn looks at him and replies "True but I am still taller, so therefore to me, you are my little brother." He gives Kurt his big goofy smile. _

_Kurt just snorts, trying not to smile himself, and shakes his head again, "Whatever Finn, I am still older than you."_

_Which Finn immediately replies back, "But I am still taller than you."_

And so since that day, they had this banter of when Finn would call Kurt his little brother, that Kurt would reply that he is still older than him and Finn arguing back that he was still taller than Kurt. Some people didn't seem to get it but it was just something he and Finn did. It was just _their_ thing. Kurt looks over at the picture on his night stand of his and Finn's graduation pictures, and says to Finn's picture, "I am still older than you." He is silent for a moment, almost thinking that the picture is going to say back to him "But I am still taller than you." But all there is silence. Kurt's tears slide down his face. It is the small things like this that gets to Kurt…the little things that people take for granted. That he took for granted. He hugs his pillow and starts to cry.

Kurt cries for only a couple of minutes before he catches himself. He takes a deep breath and dries his tears. He is not going to cry. He hasn't cried when he found out about Finn's death, nor at the funeral, he needed to be here for Rachel and Carol and his dad. He looks over at the clock, realizing Rachel is going to be home any minute. He goes to the bathroom and splashes water on his face and looks at himself in the mirror. His eyes are slightly red but nothing that eye drops can't fix. He also puts some concealer on to try to get the puffiness look out as well. As he looks down, he sees his ring.

He closes his eyes tight, touching his ring. It has been almost two weeks since…_NO! I am not going to think of that. I did what I needed to do,_ Kurt thinks. _I am almost over him_, _I just need little more time and I can take this off, doing a little at a time._ He finishes cleaning himself up so he can be there for Rachel.

Ever since they found out about Finn's death, Rachel had not been herself, which is understandable. She had lost her person, her love and Kurt had been there for Rachel through it all, knowing that she really did love Finn and how heartbreaking this must be for her. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Schuester had a little memorial for the New Directions, for all those that could come, in order to celebrate and remember Finn. Kurt had gone, mainly to see his dad and Carol and to help them, but also because he knew people would expect him to be there, and to be there for Rachel. He tried to get Rachel to come but at first, she didn't think she could. She did wind up coming and sang a love song in remembrance to Finn and since she got back to New York, she seemed to be doing a little better. However, she would still have her bad days and nights when Kurt could hear her crying behind her curtains. He would go to comfort her, and if Santana was home, she would as well.

Kurt remembers the song that Rachel had sung in remembrance of Finn and thinking how tightly Kurt was holding Blaine's hand during it, Blaine looking at him with tears of his own. Kurt had looked away, knowing he should let Blaine's hand go, he needs to keep the distance, but in that moment he couldn't. However, later on that day, Kurt would put the ultimate distance between him and Blaine since after the funeral, remembering the hurt, confusion and anger he saw in Blaine's eyes. But Kurt had to put distance between him and Blaine.

Blaine. Kurt sighs and goes into the kitchen to start dinner. He had been cooking a sauce all day and the loft was smelling good, and now he just needed to make the spaghetti. As he is waiting for the water to boil, he leans back against the counter and closes his eyes, subconsciously playing with his ring. When he heard about Finn's death from his dad, he went into a shock mode. It couldn't be true. The first person he called was Blaine. Kurt told him what his dad had just told him and he remembers Blaine telling him how sorry he was and how Blaine wishes he could be there.

He remembers the funeral, him standing looking at the coffin, the coffin being lowered into the earth. Kurt remembers himself getting shortness of breath as he flashes back to another coffin being lowered into the ground, his mother's coffin, and how he started to feel dizzy. He remembers strong hands pulling him to the side to sit on a bench nearby, telling him it is ok, to relax. He does relax, hearing the voice telling him he loves him and it will be ok, rubbing his back. He remembers the people turning up at the house, Carol crying and he and Burt standing by her, Kurt making sure people don't crowd her and making sure that food is on the table. He remembers his friends helping out, and strong male hands rubbing his back, making sure he had something to drink and eat, kissing him on the cheek and holding his hands. He would take the plate from Kurt's hands when they would shake a little, and get him to sit down for a few minutes, but Kurt would be right back up, going over to help Carol and his dad, or whatever else needed to be done. Kurt remembers his father giving him a hug, like he did when Kurt's mom died, and saying everything will be ok. He lets Kurt go and Kurt vaguely remembers Burt turning slightly and saying to someone, "Take care of him." For which the person replied, "Always." Kurt remembers seeing Rachel at that point, crying, and goes over to comfort her. Holding her and letting her cry onto his shoulder. He doesn't remember much else after that, except later being up in his room and in his bed, still have not really cried yet, and someone holding him tightly. Blaine.

Tsss! Tssssss!

Kurt jumps, his eyes flying open and sees the water is boiling over the sides. "Shit!" he curses and goes to turn the burner down, trying to keep it from going over any more. He sighs, and gets the spaghetti, breaking the noodles in half so it will fit into the pot. He stirs it for a minute and turns on the timer. He goes about getting the lettuce and salad dressing out to make the salad, cutting up the tomatoes to be put in. He goes back and stirs the spaghetti in between making the salad and setting the table. He hears the timer go off, takes a noodle, taste tests it and finding it to his satisfaction, turns off the burner and empties the spaghetti into a strainer. Just as he does this, he hears thunder overhead. He looks out the window, seeing the gray skies. As he finishes, he hears Rachel and Santana coming in, talking, when they stop and sniff the air.

"Oh my God this lofts smells so good!" exclaims Rachel, immediately going to the kitchen, Santana following her.

Kurt was just finishing putting the salad on each of their plates and putting them on the table. He laughs, "Rachel it is not anything fancy, just spaghetti."

"Yes well, still smells great! And for once since…" Rachel trails off and then clears her throat, "Well I am hungry. I think your sauce has magic powers or something."

Kurt just rolls his eyes, "Whatever you say Rachel. But I am glad that you are hungry. You need to eat a little more, you don't want to get sick." Kurt had been worried about Rachel as she had not been eating a lot lately, and she had lost a little weight.

Santana, Kurt and Rachel all start to eat their salad, Kurt keeping an eye on Rachel but Santana all the time keeping an eye on Kurt. Santana was worried about Rachel too and it is true Rachel had not been eating a lot lately but she has been eating more and more each day, getting her strength back. Santana was not really too worried about Rachel anymore, just keeping a friendly eye on her. However Santana was more worried about Kurt at this point. She notices he has been eating even less than Rachel and has lost even more weight than Rachel. While Rachel has been gaining her weight back slowly, Kurt seems to keep losing. Ever since Kurt got back from Ohio, he has not been himself. He has been a little more quiet yet bitchy at the same time. He seemed distant yet he would hover over Rachel. Santana and Rachel talked about this, as they noticed something was not quite right. They noticed that Kurt would not talk about Blaine at all, and when asked about him, Kurt would quickly change the subject. They knew something happened, thought at first they had broken up, but it seemed so outrageous they dismissed the idea at first. However more and more, she and Rachel became suspicious that that is what actually occurred. Plus the calls they had each received had only reinforced her and Rachel's suspicions but they weren't sure how to bring it up to ask Kurt.

Santana watches as Kurt sees Rachel has ate all her salad, immediately jumping up to get her some spaghetti. She watches as he eats some of his salad but doesn't get any spaghetti for himself once he finishes. They are both talking about watching Moulin Rouge later, for which Santana rolls her eyes as she cannot see how these two can watch that musical so much. She gets up and gets herself some spaghetti for herself and Kurt and puts his plate in front of him. Kurt looks down, surprised to see the food all of a sudden in front of him.

"Lady Hummel, Rachel is not the only one that needs to eat a little more. After all, you've got to keep your strength up for sexy time with your hobbit." Giving Kurt a sly wink, testing Kurt. But Kurt doesn't take the bait about Blaine.

Rolling his eyes, he replies, "I was going to get something. And what do you mean I need to eat a little more? I am just finishing up my salad."

"Yes and I guess we should be glad you finished that much, but that is all you were going to have wasn't it?" Santana started to get a little testy. "I know you had something small, very small, yesterday when we had lunch, but was that the last time you ate?"

Kurt started to reply but then closed his mouth. He remembers eating lunch yesterday with them, and having some crackers last night, as he wasn't feeling well. But today….

He clears his throat, "I had some crackers last night as I was not feeling well but…." He trails off.

"Exactly," Santana replies. She looks at Rachel, who nods slightly at her, and turns back to Kurt.

"Kurt look," Kurt immediately looks up at her, realizing she is being serious now as she hardly ever calls him by his actual name. "We are really worried about you lately. You haven't been eating, you are hardly sleeping, and you are working yourself ragged."

Rachel jumped in. "I know you are trying to be there for me, and you have been. I do not know what I would have done, how I would have gotten through Finn's death without you." Her eyes filling with tears. "But you also need to take care of yourself too. Blaine has called me and he is worried about you too. He says he has tried to call you but – "which Kurt cuts her off.

"What? Blaine has talked to you about our relationship? Why can't my fiancé understand that we are over!" He gets up and slams his dish into the sink, surprisingly not breaking it. Rachel and Santana stare at Kurt, stunned, their suspicions being confirmed.

"Kurt!" Santana yells at him. He turns around, glaring at her. "No he didn't tell us what happened exactly. We noticed you and Blaine seemed a little tense with each other when we were in Ohio before you came back here, you two were not all lovey dovey looking into each other's eyes, that half the time makes me want to throw up." Kurt rolls his eyes at this. "We know you have been quiet more and more withdrawn since you got back and yet even more snarky and bitchy too. We thought it was because of you trying to come to grips with Finn's death. However, Blaine called me and Rachel to make sure you are ok, as he has been trying to call you but you haven't been answering." She crosses her arms across her chest, looking pointedly at Kurt.

Rachel joins in, "That's right Kurt. He kept saying he couldn't lose you. I know that took Santana and me off guard, making us suspicious that you two broke up, for which you just confirmed was true." Another thunder clapped outside, making them all jump, and they could hear the rain against the windows. Rachel got up and went over to Kurt, taking his hand and leading him to the couch as Santana follows them.

"Kurt, what happened? I know that you are hurting about Finn's death as well, but there seems to be more than just that. Why on earth would you break up with Blaine?" Rachel's eyes are full of worry and Kurt swallows the lump in his throat.

"I don't want to talk about my fiancé. We just weren't meant to be that's all. I just don't love him anymore."

Santana snorts and replies, "Right and I am Santa. We both know that we are lying. So why not start with the truth Lady Hummel."

Kurt looks up and glares at Santana, "You are calling me a liar?"

"About not loving Blaine anymore? Yes I am calling you a liar."

Kurt stands up, glaring harder at Santana, "Why do people keep saying I am lying when I say this? It is not going to work, I fell out of love, it happens."

Santana puts her hands on her hips, "Oh please, don't make me bitch slap some sense into you. You don't love him anymore, is that right? You fell out of love?"

"Yes! How many times do I have to say it?"

"Ok fine, Lady Hummel, if you are still not in love with him, if it is really over, then why do you still refer to him in present tense as your fiancé? Not once, but twice now. Why not ex-fiancé?" And crosses her arms over her chest.

Kurt freezes, the air leaving his lungs. All this time he had been rubbing his ring but as soon as Santana made the accusation, he stops. He opens his mouth and closes it, not knowing what to answer, feeling his world come crashing down.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

Kurt feels a relief, a respite while he gets himself back together. He quickly walks over to the door and slides the heavy door open. He sees a young man soaked from the rain outside, a bag in his hand, his hair wet with curls sticking to his head, jeans on with a red shirt and blue bow tie. Hazel eyes, more green at this point, smiling slightly at him. Kurt just stares at him, his heart betraying him by starting to race. He stares at the man he had told it was over with just two weeks ago. A man he was hoping to never see again because….

"Hi Kurt, can I come in?" Hazel-green eye man asks, interrupting Kurt's thoughts. Kurt just stares at him, and then turns around and walks to his room, pulling the curtains around the bed. He wishes this was a normal apartment with doors, he felt like slamming something. He lays on his bed, trying hard to keep the distance. _No no he can't be here! What is he doing here?_ Kurt keeps thinking in his head over and over again.

The curtains are thick but he still hears what is going on in the next room. He hears Rachel tell Blaine to come in, that "poor thing, you are soaked." Santana makes some sarcastic comment about his curls, how he looks like a soaked through hobbit. Blaine says something about going to get a hotel and he will come back tomorrow, but Rachel immediately says she will hear nothing of it, as it is pouring and lightning outside. That he could stay on the couch. Kurt huffs, annoyed. _Well I guess I will be stuck in my room the rest of the night,_ he thinks.

He gets changed into his pajamas and gets into bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry it took me a little bit to put this second chapter up, but I hope you guys enjoy. I will post the next chapter after this as soon as I can. I am working on it now :)**

**I am sending another shout out to Slyn for helping me with this! :)**

**I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this story. Just a warning, this story will be a little bit angsty, but don't worry. I believe in happy endings :)**

**Let me know what you guys think!**

**Stricken**

**Chapter 2**

Blaine runs into the building, trying to get out of the wind and rain, thunder clapping all around him. He is soaked, his hair is all wet and starting to curl up, his jeans soaked and heavy, his shirt plastered to his skin, showing off his slightly muscular stomach. His shoes are swishy as he walks, but he doesn't feel any of it. He had walked from the subway, hoping he would make it in time before it rain, but no such luck. He is in New York, he is on a mission to get back his fiancé, his Kurt. Blaine walks up the stairs and to the love of his life's door and knocks on it. He holds his breath, not knowing exactly what is going to happen, but knows that he has to be here. He has to fight to get his man back. He hears some argument go on inside, it is muffled but he hears Santana and Kurt's voice. As soon as he knocks, he hears silence and the sound of footsteps coming nearer, and sliding the heavy door open.

Blaine's loses his breath for a moment. He looks Kurt up and down, relieved to see he is ok, that nothing had happened to him. He notices that Kurt is looking even thinner than before, his face paler, dark circles under his eyes, his hair not totally immaculate and coiffed like it usually is but to Blaine's eyes, Kurt is still the most beautiful man in the world to Blaine. He stares into Kurt's blue eyes, now almost grey in the light, and sees Kurt's eyes light up for a millisecond, then Kurt's eyes changes as a slight panic runs through them. He doesn't know what the slight panic is about but he didn't miss that Kurt's eyes lit up for a split second. Blaine knows there is hope.

"Hi Kurt, can I come in?"

Kurt continues to stare at him for a minute and then abruptly turns and heads to his room, pulling the curtains roughly around him. Blaine feels hurt, he was hoping that Kurt maybe would accept him in. He doesn't understand exactly what he did wrong but he is not giving up. The next thing he knows, Rachel is ushering him inside.

"Oh my God! You poor thing, you are soaked!"

"Yeah, you looked like a thoroughly soaked through hobbit there," comes Santana's sarcastic reply. Blaine just sighs.

"I am sorry guys, I don't want to bother you. I will get a hotel and come back tomorrow." And starts to turn toward the door but Rachel stops him.

"Blaine! It is thundering and pouring rain outside, not to mention lightning. You are not going anywhere, I won't hear of it. You can sleep on the couch."

Blaine opens his mouth to reply, to deny the request, but another clap of thunder comes from outside and lightning flashes the room. Blaine closes his mouth and just nods and lets Rachel steer him to the bathroom so he can take off his soaked clothes. He glances back sadly toward the curtained off area as he goes toward the bathroom.

When Blaine comes out, he sees Rachel has laid out a blanket and pillows for him. Santana is cleaning up the kitchen, but looks out at Blaine as he comes out of the bathroom. He is wearing pajamas that Kurt had bought him last year and Santana rolls her eyes.

"Jeez, let me guess where you got that from, our very own Lady Hummel right? Oh my God could you two be any more of an old married couple. I have seen that on Kurt before and now knowing you two actually have matching pajamas, ugh really?" Santana's nose wrinkles up in disgust.

Blaine just rolls his eyes, very Kurt-like, to which Santana's just stares. "And now you guys share the same expressions! I think I am going to be sick."

Rachel laughs, "Awww come on Santana, I think it is cute. You know you and Kurt remind of my two Dads. They had matching pajamas and shared things too. That is what couples do and they would –" Santana cuts her off.

"Yes, yes they would all sing around the piano together and blah blah blah. Ok I can't take this right now, let's change the subject." Santana puts an arm around Blaine's shoulder and brings him over to the couch. "So what is my favorite little gay hobbit doing here?"

Blaine laughs slightly and replies, "I have missed you Santana." He pauses and looks up at her. "I came here in hopes of winning Kurt back. I have a feeling from how Kurt just left the room, you know that we are – "

"Yes yes, we know, you two are broken up. Rachel and I have had our suspicions for a couple of weeks now. However it was not confirmed until tonight my dear gay. And let me tell you, it has not been easy this past couple of weeks. Either Kurt has been withdrawn to where it is like pulling teeth to get anything out of him, or actually most of the time it has been as if his highness is experiencing PMS or something. Snarky, bitchy, and all that, which normally Kurt is in general, so at first didn't really notice a whole lot of difference, but –" She is cut off by Blaine.

"Santana, don't start. Don't say that about Kurt. Jeez Kurt can hear you, you know," replies Blaine, hands on his hips, and he hears curtains being drawn aside roughly, and turns just as Kurt comes stalking out of the room, glancing at Blaine quickly. "Not that I need your help but at least it seems that my fiancé can be right once in a while." Blaine stares at him, his breathing stops for a second. _Did he just say fiancé?_ Blaine thinks. Blaine smiles widely, then realizes that Kurt doesn't know what he just said, as his ire is being put on Santana at the moment. Blaine's smile dims somewhat but still feels a relief. And, as Blaine is looking at him, he starts to smile yet again. He sees Kurt in his silky pajamas with his flushed face, his blue eyes snapping, his hair a mess, _God Kurt is hot when he is angry,_ Blaine muses.

"Santana, you do know that I can hear every unflattering thing you just said about me right? First it was harping on me picking out Blaine's pajamas and now saying I am on PMS? What the hell? You do know I can hear you?"

Santana looks at him innocently, "No, I didn't know that at all. I thought once you put the magic curtain up you wouldn't be able to hear what I was saying."

Kurt just glares at Santana, "Now I guess that I am Santa?" Remembering Santana's retort earlier when she called him out on lying.

Blaine is confused with Kurt's remark, and asks, "Santa?" But he is ignored as Santana just snorts and smiles widely. "Nice one, Lady Hummel."

Kurt just closes his eyes and Blaine knows that Kurt is counting to ten in his mind before he says anything else. Blaine knows Kurt so well. Blaine goes over to Kurt, thinking to calm him down a little. Blaine puts a hand on his shoulder, "Kurt, honey –"

Kurt's eyes snap open, "Don't Kurt honey me. I am not your fiancé anymore, remember?"

Blaine smiles at Kurt, "Kurt, you just called me your fiancé a minute ago."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Yes you did. That would be what, number three now?" Replies Santana, loving that Kurt seems to be uncomfortable at the moment, that he looks like he is about to explode. Sure he is still snarky and bitchy, but Santana could tell that this was a different kind of snarky, bitchy than from the past couple of weeks. A Kurt snarky and bitchy. Somehow, in the expanse of Blaine being here for only like 15 minutes, Kurt seems to be almost like himself. Sure still distant from Blaine, but still Santana was seeing a little bit of the old Kurt come back.

Blaine looks a little confused, asking "What is number three?" but once again he is ignored. Kurt opens his mouth and closes it and stalks back to his room, once again roughly snapping his curtains close.

Santana claps her hands together and smiles, "Well that was fun! Nothing like a little fight before bedtime." She turns to go to her make shift room, and Blaine watches her leave, smiling slightly, shaking his head, "Santana, do you always have to antagonize Kurt? I think you were having fun tonight at his expense."

Santana turns around, fluttering her eyes, and says in an even more innocent voice than she used earlier, "Whatever do you mean? I would never antagonize anyone, let alone our very own Porcelain."

"Like hell you wouldn't!" came a reply from behind the curtains. Santana smirks and heads to her room. Blaine laughs, looking back at the curtains, shaking his head.

"God I love him," Blaine says, not realizing he is saying it out loud. He turns and starts to get ready for bed, not noticing Rachel staring at him, with a slight smile and her eyes misting up, as she hears Blaine.

Rachel doesn't know exactly what happened, but she can see the love on Blaine's face, hear it in his voice when he talks of Kurt or to him. She saw his face whenever he was looking at Kurt as soon as Kurt opened the door. She knows he is there to win Kurt back and Rachel sincerely hopes that Blaine will win him back. Rachel is worried about Kurt too.

Rachel turns to Blaine, asking him if he needs anything else.

"No, I am fine, thanks. I am going to get some sleep myself." He sighs softly, looks back at the curtained off bedroom and lays back on the couch. Rachel gets up and turns off the lights. As she goes to her side of the loft, she quickly slips inside Kurt's bedroom.

"Kurt, in the morning can you and I talk?" She asks in a whispered voice.

Kurt gives a long sigh from the bed, "If you want." And he can tell Rachel stands there for a second before she leaves, closing up his bedroom. Kurt turns to his side, plumps his pillow up and lays back down, trying to get some sleep. His mind is in a whirl, he can't believe Blaine is there. His mind goes over the past few weeks, all starting the day after Finn's funeral….

* * *

_6 weeks before_

Kurt opens his eyes groggily and looks around. He feels just exhausted and his head hurts slightly. He doesn't understand why and rolls over, facing the other half of the bed. He notices that the sheets are rumpled up and looked clearly like someone had slept there and he hears the shower going. He remembers feeling warm throughout the night, gentle loving arms around him. _I guess Blaine stayed the night last night,_ Kurt thinks. He closes his eyes for a moment, letting his mind go back to the day before.

His eyes fly open. The day before. The day before was the funeral for….. He sits up abruptly, memories come crashing back to him. He immediately gets up and starts to get dressed, fumbling with his clothes, almost feeling like he is in a panic. As he is getting dressed, he is thinking about all that happened. The funeral, people milling about, Rachel, seeing the coffin being lowered into the ground…Kurt shuts his eyes, remembering another coffin being lowered, feeling a déjà vu. He mind drifts back to when his mom passed away, how hard it was for him, that he lost one of the people he loved the most. When his father had his heart attack, and then later finding out his father had prostate cancer, Kurt was so afraid he was going to lose him too. _Thank goodness he was able to fight them but…what if next time his father is not so lucky? _Kurt thinks.

Kurt's mind scrambles, scary thoughts going through his mind, he is starting to feel shaky, trying to stop the negative thoughts but they swirl around him, the pressure being forced upon him. _I have lost my mom, almost lost my dad, could still lose him. Now I have lost my brother. Rachel lost her love. What if...no…not going to lose him….I need to keep my distance…if Blaine ever died, I couldn't get through that…need to let him go before he let's go of me…I need to let go now before it is too late…before I fall too far…_ Kurt's starts to panic more, and he feels himself getting light headed and dizzy and feels himself starting to lose balance with reality and equilibrium.

"Whoa, Kurt!" he feels strong arms surround him and bring him over to the bed. While he was so lost in his thoughts and panic, he never heard the shower go off or the door open. Kurt hears the strong voice asking if he is ok, then the strong voice saying "You will be ok, I got you" and just holds him gently but tightly, kissing his forehead, rubbing his back, making Kurt relax. Kurt takes a breath, realizing it is a little easier for him to breathe now. Kurt looks up into hazel eyes, seeing the love and concern in them. Kurt swallows a lump in his throat, smiles a little, and says he is fine. He gets up and finishes getting dressed, feeling the hazel eyes following him with concern.

Kurt turns slightly, "I am going to see how my dad and Carol are doing." He goes to leave the room but hears a voice.

"Kurt, maybe you should lie back down. You had a rough day yesterday –" Kurt twirls around, giving a hard look, "I know what yesterday was, and I think Carol actually has it rougher right now than I do. She just lost her son."

"Kurt, I was not meaning that no one else had it rough too. But I know last night you were exhausted and I just want make sure you are ok."

Kurt backs down a little but is still tense. "I am fine," Kurt replies and leaves the room.

Kurt goes downstairs and sees his dad and Carol sitting at the breakfast table, drinking coffee. Carol's eyes look red and she just seems to be out of it. Burt is looking at her with concern and Kurt goes to sit down beside her, rubbing her back. Carol looks over at Kurt and smiles at him, putting her arm around him to give him a hug.

"Hey Blaine, good morning," Burt replied. Blaine had come into the kitchen, looking a little wary. "Help yourself to some coffee and breakfast."

Carol also adds, "Yes please, help us eat some of this before…." She gasps and puts her hand over her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes. They all knew what she was going to say, "Before Finn gets to it." They all knew that Finn could eat a lot, although you would never really know it to look at him, and often you would have to make sure to get to the food before he got there. Carol immediately breaks down, Kurt hugging her, letting her cry on his shoulder, stroking her hair and shoulders, much like he did with Rachel when Rachel cried.

Burt and Blaine sit across from her, letting her cry into Kurt. She cries for a few minutes and then starts to sit up, wiping her tears. Blaine goes and gets her a glass of water, and she thanks him, taking a few sips. She leans back and just says, "I can't do this right now. I am so tired." Burt immediately starts to stand up and says, "Come on honey, let's go upstairs so you can get some rest. I'll be here." And takes her hand, standing her up, and helps her out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Kurt sighs and cleans up the coffee cups at the sink, and turns around, seeing those hazel eyes once again bore through him, gentle and loving and worried.

"Kurt, I feel so bad for Carol. I am not sure what to do or say really…"

"I know. Me neither, but all I can do is be there for her, and dad and Rachel. To me, they all have it pretty hard. And Rachel."

His eyes looked quizzically at him, "You said Rachel twice….is there a reason for that?"

"Well because she lost her person…her…love…" Kurt's stomach tightens, thinking again what if it had been him. If he lost his love….Kurt couldn't think of that. He had to take his mind off that part. "Look, I just need to be there for all them."

"Well of course, and I will be here for them too." Kurt sees him come closer and feels strong arm arms surround him, drawing him closer, touching his forehead to Kurt's. "I am here for you too."

Kurt brings his head up and looks into the golden eyes, now turning slightly green. "Blaine…" Kurt trails off, looking deep into his eyes. He had made a decision this morning to keep his distance from Blaine. Kurt already loves him so much, but he can't keep falling. He needs to wean himself off Blaine now. Needs to push him away and that is just what he does, he pushes Blaine away, literally.

Blaine feels himself being pushed back, and looks at Kurt confused.

"Please, go."

Blaine looks even more confused, "Kurt, what? You want me to go? Why, did I do something? I just want to be here for you, I am not going anywhere." Blaine takes a step towards Kurt.

"No! I can't….I just….I need to be alone right now." Kurt's eyes turn watery and he looks pleadingly at Blaine. "Please, I just want to be alone right now."

Blaine looks at him uncertainly. "Are you sure? I am not sure you should be alone right now…"

"Yes, I am sure. Please…" Kurt looks down. He can't say more at the moment, he just needs to be alone. He needs to start putting his distance.

Blaine studies him, looking a little confused, something is not quite right. Blaine also feels a little hurt, but he knows he is just being sensitive. He doesn't want to push Kurt. "Ok…um…well I will go. But I will call you later ok?"

Kurt smiles a little, "Ok, thank you."

Blaine nods and comes over and kisses Kurt on the mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too," Kurt replies back and kisses Blaine back. Kurt knows that he has to keep Blaine at a distance. He also knows it is not going to be easy as Blaine does not back down easy when it comes to him, Kurt knows this. But he just needs this one last kiss, because this is it. This is his last kiss with Blaine. His last falling deeper for Blaine. Kurt breaks away for a moment, looking into Blaine's eyes and suddenly slams back into kissing him.

Kurt kisses Blaine with so much warmth and love, lust, everything he feels for Blaine. He pressed his body closer to Blaine, put his hands on Blaine's hips, switching their positions where Blaine is leaning against the counter, Kurt pressing tightly to Blaine, tilting his head, biting Blaine's lip, making Blaine moan softly as Kurt's tongue sweeps in. Kurt feels Blaine grab his shirt, just letting the kiss sweep over him, and Kurt's kisses with a little more passion and a little more desperation. They both feel hot, trying to get even closer. They finally break up the kiss, but only because of the necessity for air. Blaine and Kurt's forehead's lean against each other, both breathing heavy, trying to bring their breathing back under control. Kurt looks up at him, into the hazel eyes that are now a green with love, lust, desire, yet with a hint of question, and Kurt's heart breaks for what is going to be doing, but he has too….

Blaine starts to say something but then decides not to, giving Kurt a smile, and gives him one more kiss, this one a little more chaste, and reminds him he will call him later. Kurt hears the front door open and close and takes a deep breath and lets it out, trying to cool himself down, and finishes cleaning up the kitchen.

* * *

_Present_

Clap! Boom! Lightning flashes across the sky, thundering echoing into the room, making Kurt jump, breaking him from his thoughts. He groans and wipes a hand over his face. _Tonight is going to be a long night,_ he thinks. He closes his eyes, hearing the rain pound the windows. Normally a thunderstorm would make him sleepy but not tonight. His mind has been on the go since Blaine turned up on his doorstep earlier. He has been trying so hard to hold in all his emotions, his heart had jumped when he saw Blaine there. He tried not to notice his wet shirt sticking to his tight chest, curls springing up under the wet hair. _God,_ Kurt thought, _he looked so hot, so….no! I can't think that about him._ Kurt starts to subconsciously rub his ring. I need to keep my distance. I have been doing so well, I haven't thought of him…well hardly anyways. Kurt closes his eyes tighter, turning his mind to fashion, scarves, Broadway shows, anything to keep his mind off the man in the next room. The man that Kurt can't fall anymore for because if something ever happened to him…Kurt turns to his side, doing everything he can not to think of the man in the next room.

Blaine is looking out the window, watching the storm going on in full force. He runs his hands through his hair, his hair still slightly damp, curls starting to really come out. Blaine knows he has made the right decision to come to New York. He is trying to win Kurt back, trying to get his love back. He can't let Kurt go. Maybe other people would have given up already, the way things have been the past few weeks between him and Kurt, but not Blaine. He knows that Kurt still loves him. Just a gut feeling that Blaine has, a certain knowing when one has met their soul mate.

Blaine stares out the window, trying to remember when all this started exactly. His mind starts to grasp a memory. To anyone coming into the room, it would appear he was watching the rain. However, even though his body is in New York, his mind is going back to Ohio, back to the day after Finn's funeral...back to just after the last kiss he had with Kurt…

* * *

_6 weeks ago_

Blaine steps into his house and calls out for his parents but the house is empty. He climbs up the stairs and goes to his room, dropping his bag on the floor and flops on the bed. His heart is heavy with thoughts of Kurt and what his parents are going through. Kurt seems to be in pain but yet he is going around to make sure everyone else is ok. He isn't taking care of himself like he should, Blaine can see it clearly. Last night, Kurt would fidget in his sleep, and whimper, tossing and turning. Blaine kept trying to keep him still as much as he could, and only when he would sing softly to him did it seem like Kurt would lay still and sleep peacefully, almost like a small child. Blaine couldn't always stay with him since Kurt got back into town a week before the funeral and you can tell when Blaine wasn't there, how much darker the circles under Kurt's eyes were the next day. He also could tell Kurt has not been eating a lot either. He always was slender but he seems to be losing more weight. Blaine has tried to get him to eat as much as he possibly could, which was no small task considering Kurt was constantly on the go.

Blaine thinks back to the kitchen, how Kurt asked him to go and then kissing him, and there was something in Kurt's eyes and kiss that were so sad. The kiss…Blaine sighs. The kiss was great and sad at the same time. It was so loving and passionate, so warm and hot, Blaine was glad that it ended when it did because who knew where it would have led to. But yet there was a desperation to it, a sadness to it that Blaine felt. That was what kind of confused Blaine and concerned him. Blaine can't quite shake the feeling the sadness is not entirely due to Finn's death, and if he didn't know better, he would have thought it was a goodbye kiss. _No, that can't be it, _Blaine thinks,_ Kurt has been pent up with emotion for days now, maybe that was just his way of letting it out._ If it was, Blaine certainly was not complaining. But still…something was not quite right but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Blaine sighs again and thinks maybe he is just overthinking things, making too much out of it.

As he has been in and out the past few days, mostly being with Kurt and helping him, he had some laundry to do and other stuff around his room. He does laundry and cleans up his room for the rest of the day, listening to music.

Before dinner, Blaine texts Kurt to see if he is ok, but doesn't get a text back. As Blaine is packing up some clean clothes to bring over to Kurt's, Blaine dials Kurt's number.

"Hey…"

"Hey beautiful, how are you doing?"

"I am ok" Kurt answers, not elaborating on anything.

"Just ok? That doesn't sound good. I am just finishing up a load and I will be back over tonight."

"No, you don't have to. I am ok, I told you," was Kurt's reply, sounding kind of desperate.

"I want to Kurt, I want to be there for you."

"No, please just…I need to be by myself tonight. I just need…time…" Kurt trails off.

"Time? Um…ok sure…if that is what you want. I am not trying to push or anything but I just want to be sure you are ok."

Kurt starts sounding slightly annoyed, "Yes Blaine I am sure. I am ok really. Please I just need to be alone for right now. I am tired."

Blaine closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, and sighs, "Ok well, I will be over in the morning…if that is ok?" Blaine questions.

"Sure…"

"Ok sounds like a plan," Blaine answers awkwardly. This whole conversation is awkward and Blaine doesn't remember their conversations ever being awkward before, even when they first met. He feels something else is going on and starts to question Kurt but doesn't get a chance.

"Ok, well goodnight."

"Goodnight Kurt, I love you."

Kurt is silent for a moment but answers back, this voice sounding somewhat shaky, "I love you too." And hangs up.

Blaine looks at the phone, confused. He knew obviously Kurt was not ok, but again he had that feeling there was more going on then just Finn's death. Blaine just sighs again, thinking _no, it is just with the funeral and everything. Kurt just needs time to himself._ _Stop getting paranoid Anderson_.

Blaine takes a quick shower and gets dressed in pajamas and slips in his bed. It had been a couple of days since he slept in his own bed. He misses Kurt lying next to him and being able to hold Kurt. With Kurt being in New York and Blaine being in Ohio, he misses Kurt so much. As much as he wanted to see Kurt since they got engaged, he hates that the reason why he is seeing Kurt now is because of Finn dying. Blaine turns over in his bed, thinking of Kurt and wishing he could do something to help him through his pain. The feeling in his stomach that something is not quite right with Kurt is still there, but Blaine keeps thinking it is because of Finn's death, telling himself that. He drifts off to a trouble sleep, the pit in his stomach never really leaving.

* * *

_Present_

Blaine hears his phone beep, signaling a text coming in. He immediately knew who it would be from. _Damn! I forgot to text Tina to let her know I got here ok._ Sure enough, as he opened his phone, he saw a couple of text messages from Tina, and also from Sam. He texts them back, answering their questions. Blaine lets them know he is ok, that he was sorry he forgot to text them when he got to New York safely, that yes Kurt was ok. Tina started to ask more questions, but he didn't want to go into anything right now. He lets her know that all will be ok and that he will talk more to her tomorrow. She made him pinky swear, well as much as you can over the phone. Blaine lets out a little chuckle as he replies back to her that he pinky swears.

"Texting so late? You have been texting for the past few minutes, must be an interesting conversation. Is that your late night lover?"

Blaine jumps, looking up, the range lights from the kitchen silhouetting the much too thin body of Kurt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Everyone! Ok these next couple of chapters are going to be a bit angsty, but I really wanted to go into Kurt's grief and Blaine trying to help Kurt. There is going to be fighting but don't worry.**

**Thanks to Slyn for being my beta! :)**

**Please review and let me know what you think! :)**

**Stricken**

**Chapter 3**

_Present_

Kurt's eyes are closed shut, trying to think of other things, but it is not working. Sighing in frustration, Kurt becomes even more annoyed because he was doing such a good job of keeping his distance from him. Laying there, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time, he hears his stomach grumble. He puts his hand on his stomach, trying to remember the last time he actually felt like eating, and not just because he knew he "had" to. He knows Blaine is in the living room, across from the kitchen, and so he can't go out there. His stomach grumbles again. _Ugh,_ he thinks. _I guess it is not my decision anymore._

Kurt gets out of bed, and heads to the kitchen and glances over. The light in the corner that they always keep on is on Blaine, giving just enough light on him. He sees Blaine texting away, smiling slightly as he does. _Who is he texting?_ Kurt wonders. _Not that I care anyways, he can text whomever person._ _I don't love him anymore, I can't._ A part of his memory goes back to their last fight, the Ultimate fight that they had, and he felt himself tense up. He hears Blaine chuckle at whatever he is reading and his snarky attitude comes back in full force.

"Texting so late? You have been texting for the past few minutes, must be an interesting conversation. Is that your late night lover?"

Kurt sees Blaine jump, and Blaine looking up at him. He sees Blaine just stare at him, and then hears Blaine give a loud sigh, sounding of frustration.

"Kurt, I was texting Tina and Sam. I forgot to let them know I got to New York safely. Tina was wanting to know more –"

Kurt cuts him off with a wave of his hand, "I don't care. You can talk to whomever you want." Kurt turns and goes into the kitchen, taking out the left over spaghetti, putting some in a bowl, and put it in the microwave. He stands there, waiting for the food to heat up. During all of this, Kurt feels Blaine watching every move, but is still startled when he hears Blaine's voice right next to him.

"You are eating…and no one to make you. I am so glad you are eating again. I have been worried."

Kurt just looks at him, feels Blaine's breathe on him, his presence next to him, and he can't be there next to Blaine. He swiftly turns around and heads to the bathroom, shutting the door. Kurt leans his head against the wall. Blaine is always worried about him. Kurt's annoyed feeling leading his mind back to one of the first fights they had after Finn's funeral, after the kiss.

* * *

_6 weeks earlier_

Kurt wakes up the next morning, feeling lonely and hazel eyes plagued his dreams the whole night. Kurt did not sleep well, knowing what he had to do, but not knowing how to get the strength to do it. Kurt can't go through losing another person, someone else leaving him. It hurt a lot when his mother passed away, his father…too many close calls. He had even distanced himself from his father a little bit since Finn's death. Finn, who maybe they started out shakily as brothers, but he was the best brother anybody could have asked for, and Kurt lost him. That hurt but he couldn't really deal with that right now. It hurt too much to think Finn was actually gone. And he knows if something ever happened to Blaine…..he would not be able to survive that. Kurt has to let him go first, before he falls even more in love with him that he can't get himself out.

Kurt gets up and takes a shower, and gets dressed for the day. He hears the doorbell ring and his father calls up to him saying Blaine was there. Kurt closes his eyes and goes downstairs. Blaine is smiling, with coffee in his hands, extending one out to Kurt. Kurt takes it and smiles slightly, heading into the kitchen with Blaine following. They sit down at the table and Kurt sips quietly, letting the coffee run through his body, giving him energy for the day. Kurt looks up and sees that Blaine is smiling at him, even though the smile was not as wide as when Kurt saw him at the door.

"So um…well I was thinking, maybe we can go for a walk and maybe a picnic. I know you must feel cooped up here and getting some fresh air might help?" Blaine questioned.

Kurt took a deep breath, "I think I am just going to stay in today. I am not sure I feel like taking a walk today or being outside today."

Blaine looked slightly disappointed, but decided on another tactic, "Ok that's fine. We can watch movies or just hang out here before your flight leaves tonight."

"No, I don't feel like watching movies, I don't feel like doing much of anything. Look, thank you for being here, but I really just want to be left alone. Thank you for the coffee but I can't do this right now."

"Do what?" Blaine looked confused.

"I can't do this…you hovering over me all the time. I just need to be alone right now."

Blaine looks at Kurt, knowing there is more to this. "Kurt, I am sorry if I felt like I am hovering but I am just concerned about you."

Kurt laughs harshly, "Well don't be. I am fine. Please look just go. I don't want you here." Kurt's looks at him, his eyes hard, trying to sound harsh but inside he hurts for saying that he doesn't want Blaine there. He does but he can't have Blaine there.

Blaine is taken back by seeing the hardness in his eyes and is hurt, not understanding, "Kurt what – "

Kurt stands up quickly, taking his half-drunk coffee and throws it away. "I am going to my room, you know the way out" and leaves the kitchen and a bewildered Blaine behind him.

Kurt leaves that night and goes back to New York, and for a couple of weeks Kurt tries to avoid any phone calls from Blain or communication. Blaine has tried to contact Kurt but when Kurt does answer, he has been distant and a little rude or most of the time, the call would just go to voicemail. Texts would not be responded too. Kurt knows he is hurting Blaine, but he can't be with Blaine. Kurt knows he needs to tell Blaine it is over, but when he thinks about it, he just wants to hide.

Kurt had just finished his shift and checking his phone, he sees a voicemail. He already knows who it is from but something tells him to listen to the message this time.

"Hey, Kurt, look I don't know why you aren't answering….I guess you are in class or at work. Anyways, Mr. Schue is having a memorial for Finn for the Glee club. He wanted to let you know and Rachel and Santana as well in case you guys want to come. Let me know and I can pick you up from the airport. I love you, see ya."

Kurt arrives at McKinley and the first person he sees is Blaine. His heart races, seeing Blaine. Kurt finds it annoying. He thought he was giving enough distance between himself and Blaine, being rude when Blaine calls, or just not answering him, telling him he doesn't want to talk to him. Kurt has been in a mood since he got back to New York, and Rachel and Santana have both noticed and commented, but Kurt just always said he was fine and then he would ask Rachel how she was doing. Kurt is holding himself from others and Blaine. He sees hazel eyes look up from his locker, and locks eyes with Kurt. He smiles and waves slightly at Kurt but Kurt just walks into the choir room, ignoring him.

Kurt sits in the choir room and listens to Mercedes sing her I'll Stand by You, and Kurt is looking at her, trying not to tear up. He feels eyes on him and glances over and seeing Blaine looking at him, his eyes with tears, making Kurt want to cry. But he turns back ahead, pretending not to see him. At the end of the song, everyone claps and Kurt goes over to give Mercedes a hug, letting her cry in his shoulder. The other members leave quietly, giving them space. Mercedes thanks Kurt and starts to leave, saying she just wants to be alone for a few minutes. Kurt promises he will call her later.

Kurt pulls up in his driveway, and sees Blaine sitting on the front steps. Blaine stands up and the door opens behind him.

"Blaine! I haven't seen you in a while." Carol sees Kurt walking up "Hey sweetie…how was it?" Carol knew what Mr. Schue was doing and was grateful to the teacher for helping out the students.

Kurt walked past her into the house, not seeing that Carol gestured for Blaine to come in as well. "It was fine. Mercedes did a beautiful version of I'll Stand by You." Carol's smiled, her eyes becoming a little teary but didn't say anything, just nodded.

"Well I was just heading out to the store, I will see you later." Carol gives Kurt a hug and Blaine one as well and leaves.

Kurt takes off his coat, ignoring Blaine, and Blaine speaks up.

"Kurt, I am so glad you came. I have been so worried about you."

Kurt looks at him, "You have nothing to worry about." And starts to walk up the steps but Blaine puts a hand on Kurt's arm, trying to stop him. Kurt feels Blaine's warm touch on his arm, and tries to distance himself.

"The hell I don't Kurt. What is going on here? You have been pushing me away for weeks now and I don't understand why. I am trying to give you space but you just seem to be putting more and more distance towards me and I don't get it. Kurt, please stop pushing me away!" Blaine looks angry and hurt and frustrated.

"Or what? You going to hook up with some random guy again?" Kurt replies harshly. Kurt needs to keep his distance from him and if this is the way to do it, then so be it.

Blaine looks like he had been slapped. He opens his mouth and closes it and then starts to say, "Kurt, why would you say that?"

Kurt laughs hollowly, "Why would I say that? Hmm…let me think. Maybe that is because that is what happened last time? Apparently you thought I was pushing you away before and that is what you did, so why not now?" Kurt knew he was not playing fair but he couldn't help it.

Blaine just stares at him. "Wow….just…wow. I thought we talked about that, I have apologized over and over. I thought you had forgiven me, you said yes when I asked you to marry me." Neither of them see that Burt walks out of the kitchen, wondering what is going on.

"Well maybe we should change that," Kurt retorts.

Kurt sees Blaine suddenly go still, and he can tell Blaine loses his breath for a second. "You…you want to not be my fiancé anymore? Kurt, please no…" he trails off, his voice breaking.

Burt breaks in, "Ok you two, what is going on here? Kurt?"

Kurt and Blaine are startled, not hearing Burt come up. Kurt realizes he can't break it off at this moment, not with his dad here. Annoyed, Kurt huffs, "Look I can't deal with this right now. I have to go." And storms upstairs.

* * *

_Present_

Kurt hears a knock on the door, which inadvertently knocks him out of his memory. He opens the door and sees Blaine with concern on his face.

"Are you ok?" Kurt steps out, brushing past Blaine. "I am fine." Kurt takes out his spaghetti, testing to see if it was warm enough, and finding it to his liking takes the bowl to the table, getting a glass of water to drink. Kurt starts eating, ignoring Blaine.

Blaine walks over to the table, and knowing Kurt is not going to talk to him or answer any questions at this point, he sighs and heads back over to his make-shift bed on the couch. He turns around and sits down, noticing Kurt looking at him in his peripheral vision. Blaine is trying to think how to help, what he should say next. After the first fight they had, before the Ultimate one, Burt had talked to Blaine. Blaine's mind was going back to that time, trying to remember all Burt told him. Hoping he could find a way to get through to Kurt…

* * *

_4 weeks earlier_

Blaine watches Kurt stomp up the stairs, his eyes following him, his chest tightening. _Kurt wants to end things? No that can't be right. He is just grieving still._

Burt looks from Kurt stomping up the stairs to Blaine. He can see on Blaine's face confusion, hurt, frustration, but underneath all that, Burt still sees the love that Blaine has. Burt sighs and claps Blaine on the shoulder, "Come on kiddo, we should talk."

Burt and Blaine get something to drink and sit at the kitchen table. Blaine is holding on to his glass, looking down, looking so sad and defeated. Burt feels bad for Blaine. Blaine has never really dealt with Kurt when Kurt has lost somebody, Kurt has never been great dealing with grief. But Burt can tell that this time seems to be even more extreme than normal, but he thinks everything will be ok.

"Blaine, I know that Kurt has probably been a little….moody lately."

Blaine laughs lightly, "That is putting it nicely." Burt snorts and smiles slightly.

"I know it has been tough. When Kurt loves someone, he loves fiercely. When his mom died, Kurt was so distraught. He wound up pushing me away at first."

Blaine's head came up, "He did?"

"Yeah he did. Took a couple of weeks before he would even talk to me. After some time, he opened back up. He has been distant with me too since Finn's death, but I get the feeling not as much as he has with you, going from the fight you guys just had?"

Blaine sighs, "I don't want to go into it too much. I have been trying to help him and trying to give him space when he needs space, but still be there for him too. When he was here for the funeral, I made sure I was here with him, I wanted to be. I have tried everything I can but…." Blaine blinks back tears, "I didn't know he was thinking of perhaps breaking off the engagement." Blaine blinks again, holding onto his cup tighter. _I can't lose him,_ he thinks.

Burt looks at him, "Blaine, I know it is hard right now, but Kurt and you will be fine. Kurt loves you, I know he does. I am not sure what all is going on his head exactly at the moment, but if it is anything like when his mother died, he just needs time to deal with it his own way. Just don't give up on him."

Blaine looks at him, surprised, "I would never give up on him. I just want to help him."

"I know, and the best thing to do is just what you are doing. Give him the space when he asks for it, but sometimes Kurt is so stubborn that sometimes he needs a little push. You know him, just listen to your gut when you think you should or should not say something."

Blaine leans back, feeling a little testy, "So I should just let him be rude to me and not yell back at him like I did a few minutes ago, is that it?"

Burt laughs, "No, not necessarily. Like I said, Kurt can be stubborn and sometimes he needs a little push or needs a little confrontation. You two are both still young and still getting to know each other. You guys are going to fight and make up a million times, but don't be afraid of Kurt." Burt pats Blaine on the back, "You two will make it."

Blaine hopes they will make it. He thinks they will, but Blaine has a feeling that this is just the calm before the storm. However, he does feel slightly better, and smiles at Burt. "Thanks Burt, I appreciate this."

Kurt walks into the kitchen, and narrows his eyes. "What is going on here?"

Burt and Blaine look at him, and Burt speaks up, "Just talking to Blaine, what I can't talk to your fiancé?"

Kurt glares at his father, "I didn't say that but you guys are looking so chummy. What is Blaine going to fill in the space of Finn now? You found another son that likes sports and everything like Finn?" Blaine eyes widen and his movements still, staring at Kurt, his jaw dropped. Kurt moves his glare to Blaine.

"Blaine what are you still doing here?"

Burt looks at Kurt and says in a firm father tone, "Kurt that's enough! Not Blaine nor anyone else will take the place of Finn, you should know better than that. Blaine is still your fiancé right? And even if he wasn't, this is my house and he is welcome here. He has done nothing wrong and he has been here for all of us. What Blaine and I discuss is between the two of us, and you have no right to be rude to him like this."

Blaine sees Kurt tense up, his face looking sorry as he apologizes to Burt. "I am sorry Dad. I didn't mean that." Kurt turns to Blaine, opens his mouth and closes it and walks away.

Burt sighs, "I am sorry Blaine, he had no right to be that rude to you. I know he is going through a lot, like I said, but this seems to be extreme. However, I know my son. Kurt will get past this. You two will be fine."

Blaine, still a bit stunned, whispers, "I hope so."

* * *

_Present_

Blaine comes back to reality, remembering what Burt said. That sometimes Kurt needs a little push. He glances over at Kurt, and realizes Kurt had been watching him this whole time for Kurt's eyes immediately shifted back down to his bowl. Blaine smiles and comes over to him.

"Kurt, look we need to talk. I know the past few weeks have been hard for you but we need to air some things out. We need to work through some things if we are going to make this relationship work."

Kurt looks up, glaring at Blaine. "Blaine, you really do need to have your ears checked out. We are over. Don't you remember the last fight we had?"

Blaine swallows the lump in his throat, remembering all too clearly the Ultimate fight. "Of course I remember, it is not too easily I can forget that. But I am willing to work through if –" Kurt cuts him off.

"Blaine, no, I am not doing this again. I told you, we are over." Kurt immediately stands up and puts his bowl and cup in the sink. As he turns back to Blaine, Kurt starts to say more but just shakes his head and walks swiftly to his bedroom.

Blaine leans back against the chair and rubs his hand over his face and thinks sarcastically, _that went well._

* * *

The next morning is gloomy with still overcast skies. Kurt wakes up with a headache, and grumbles as he gets out of bed to get some aspirin. He walks out into the kitchen to get the medicine and a drink of water. He sees Rachel, Santana and Blaine already awake and eating at the table. He smells eggs and pancakes, but he is still full from the midnight snack. Kurt's mind drifts to the conversation with Blaine last night, and gives him a quick glance. Blaine smiles slightly, but is looking at him with concern. Kurt's headache becomes even more intense and so bad that the smell of the food is actually making him queasy.

Santana looks up and sees Kurt's pale face and ruffled hair, dark circles under his eyes, he looks like hell and Santana is quick to point that out.

"God Kurt, you look terrible. Did you go out drinking after we all went to bed? You look hung over."

Kurt gives Santana a quick glare but sighs, not surprised he looks hung over. He feels hung over. He made a mistake and looks over at the eggs and pancakes, and his stomach revolts. He immediately rushes over the bathroom, just making it before he throws up. He leans his head against the toilet for a second, and then sits back against the wall. He feels small hands check his forehead.

"Are you ok Kurt? You don't have a fever." She brushes a hair away from his forehead, almost like a mother would a child.

"Bad headache," was all Kurt was able to reply, still feeling weak. Rachel got up and went to get a washcloth, wetting it and putting it over his forehead. The cool cloth felt good against his forehead.

"Come on Kurt, let's get you back into bed. You need some rest." Rachel gets Kurt to stand up but with Kurt being weak as he is, Rachel has to really support him and is having a little trouble.

"Jeez Kurt, for someone who is so thin, you still are not light," Rachel teases. She turns and calls out, "Blaine, can you come here please?"

Kurt grumbles, "No, don't need his help…" and starts to walk on his own but stumbles. Kurt feels stronger arms around him this time, holding him up and rubbing his back. Kurt finds this annoying, _why does he always have to be the one to catch me?_ And normally Kurt would say something but he is too weak. The next thing Kurt knows he is in bed, vaguely being aware of Rachel giving him some aspirin to swallow with some water, and another newly cooled washcloth being put over his forehead, someone saying that a small trash can is next to him in case he feels sick again. Kurt settles back into his pillow and slowly drifts off to sleep.

* * *

Rachel comes in to check on Kurt, he had been asleep for a couple of hours now. She is really worried about Kurt. She hears someone behind her and turns to see Blaine is in there with her. He is looking at Kurt with concern and Rachel laughs slightly.

"Jeez, look at us. We are both getting worked up because Kurt has a headache. Rest is the best thing for him right now. He hardly has been sleeping lately…"

Blaine smiles lightly, although the smile does not reach his eyes. "Yeah I guess it is kind of dumb to get worked up over a headache…" Blaine sighs, "But it is more than just that. I can't lose him Rachel."

Rachel looks at Blaine, "You won't lose him. I don't know why he broke up with you exactly, but I am sure he will come back to you, be your fiancé again."

Blaine replies, staring at the sleeping Kurt, "I don't mean lose him as my fiancé, but lose him as Kurt…my Kurt. I have been trying to hold him together, catch him when he falls, but…with the last fight and all I just feel like I am losing him…" Blaine trails off, blinking his eyes as if to hold back tears.

Rachel looks at Blaine and gives him a little hug. She is trying to understand what Blaine is saying but feels like she is missing something. She doesn't know how bad the last fight was. But she knows that either way, Blaine is just as worried about Kurt as she is. She starts to leave but sees Blaine watching over Kurt, almost as if willing him to wake up. Rachel turns and walks out of the room and into the living room where Santana, Blaine and she were watching TV. Santana looks over at Rachel with a questioning look if Kurt was awake, but Rachel shakes her head. Santana nods and sighs, turning back to the TV.

"Santana, can you take Blaine out for a couple of hours? He needs to get away, he seems to be all wound up and worried about Kurt. I think some fresh air could do him some good. Plus if Kurt wakes up soon, I kind of want to talk to him alone." She says in a low tone so Blaine does not hear from Kurt's room.

"Sure, I could use some fresh air myself." Blaine walks into the living room. "Hey hobbit, get your coat on, you are buying me lunch and maybe a movie."

Blaine looks at Santana warily, "Um…that sounds like a date Santana. We both know that neither one of us are each other's type."

"Ha ha, very funny. Seriously come on let's go."

"I can't. Kurt isn't feeling well, he shouldn't be left alone."

Rachel speaks up, "No worries, I will be here." She sees Blaine is unconvinced, knowing exactly what they are up to. "Come on Blaine, you look like you could use some fresh air. Get out for a little bit."

Santana grabs her purse and keys, "Come on, like I said, you can pay."

Blaine rolls his eyes, "How magnanimous of you."

"I know, isn't it?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Just a warning guys, this chapter is extra angsty, sad and emotional. Don't worry, I am a sucker for happy endings, but this is part of the journey for Kurt and Blaine. I hope you guys will like it. **

**My beta Slyn is the best! :) **

**Please review and let me know your thoughts.**

**Stricken**

**Chapter 4**

Kurt opens his eyes slowly, the throbbing have dulled considerably, but is still there in the background. However he notices he can sit up without feeling queasy. He gets up and walks over to his dresser, taking out fresh clothes, and heads over to the bathroom for a shower.

"Hey Kurt! You are up! How are you feeling?" Rachel rushed over to Kurt just before he stepped into the bathroom.

"I am feeling a little better, but I feel kind of yucky. I am going to take a shower, hopefully that will help."

Rachel looks relieved. "Ok, well when you are done, can we talk?" Kurt hesitates but knowing that he can't get out of it, he just nods, and rushes into the bathroom, shutting the door.

Rachel walks over to the kitchen, putting on some tea. She takes some soup out to warm up while he is in the shower, and get some crackers. Rachel doesn't know if Kurt's stomach is still queasy and figures soup would be light enough. While waiting for the soup to warm up and the water to boil, she goes and sits down.

Rachel mind drifts back to the past few weeks and months. How hard it has been since Finn died, how utterly devastated she was, and still is. However each day it seems to get easier. Oh sure she still cries and still has her moments when missing Finn is unbearable and doesn't know how to go on. Thank God for Kurt and Santana, she doesn't know what she would have done without them. And especially Kurt. Kurt has been her absolute rock. When she found out Finn died, he had been there, at the Wake and funeral, he had been there, even at Mr. Schue's memorial to Finn, Kurt had been there. Always strong and caring, never showing a tear….

Rachel sits up suddenly. Come to think of it, she doesn't remember seeing Kurt really cry at all throughout all this. Rachel knows she has not been paying that much attention, dealing with her own grief, but she is trying to remember now if she has seen Kurt cry yet or…anything. He has been distant and pushing people away, or extremely snarky and bitchy, but Rachel never really remembers if Kurt has cried or anything like she has.

Rachel hears the water turn off and a few minutes later, she sees Kurt come out. He still looks pale and a little weak, but actually looks better than he did earlier today. However she sees a tenseness in him, almost like he is dreading talking to her. And now she sees Kurt, really sees Kurt since the funeral, and she is shocked at what she sees.

Oh my God is this what Blaine was talking about? She tries to remember what Blaine had said…that he was afraid of losing Kurt. Not losing Kurt as his fiancé but losing Kurt as _Kurt_…how Blaine said has been trying to hold up Kurt and catch him…she sees it now what he was talking about. Kurt looks pale, his eyes hollow, his stance so rigid and he looks like one little thing said or done and he will just break down, just fall apart. Why hasn't she noticed this before? Sure she noticed that he didn't look so good, extra bitchy and snarky than usual. And even then, not the "Kurt bitchy and snarky" that she just can't help but love about him. But it was not until now she realizes just how much Kurt's grief has been doing to him. Blaine may have been able to guess it the most, why he was afraid he was losing Kurt. She was watching Blaine last night and this morning, watching Blaine when Kurt was asleep, and Blaine looked like he was at a loss, she could see his wheels turning and thinking hard of something, looking at Kurt's curtains every few minutes. Rachel knew Blaine was worried but thought that maybe he was being overprotective. Rachel did realize just how deep in his grief Kurt was until now. Rachel needed to know what had happened when Blaine and Kurt broke up, needed to know where Kurt's mind was.

Rachel notices Kurt tensing up even more, and realizes she has been staring at him. "Rachel, why are you looking at me like that?"

Rachel swallows, knowing this conversation is not going to be easy but one they need to have nonetheless. Kurt has been a big help to her throughout the past couple of months and now she can be of help to Kurt.

"Kurt, come sit down." Kurt gives her a questioning look but comes and sits next to her. "I know that since Finn's death, it has been hard for everyone. I know I was devastated when I found out about Finn but you have always been there for me. You have no idea what it meant to me and still means to me." She takes Kurt's hand. "I know that Blaine means the absolute world to you. I know that you love him more than anything."

"No, I don't. We are broken up." Kurt jerks his hand out of Rachel's grasp and gets up, looking out of the window.

Rachel takes a breath, "I know you two are broken up, but I don't know why. What happened Kurt? I am guessing there was a big fight right? When did it happen exactly, what happened?"

Kurt stares out the window, but says in a low harsh tone. "I noticed Santana and Blaine are not here. What, were guys not able to get it out of him so Santana conveniently took Blaine out so you can find out the latest drama between Kurt and Blaine?"

"Kurt! No! That is not it at all! Look, I am trying to help you. You don't seem to be yourself lately and everything is so extreme with you right now, I just –" Kurt whirled around, his eyes flashing fire.

"You just what? You just figured you could butt in and make everything better? I should have known that you and Santana would not be able to mind your own business. Ok fine, you want the story? I will tell you. It happened the same day when you came to sing in the choir room…"

* * *

_2 weeks earlier_

Rachel had come in to see the memorial to Finn. Rachel is leaning on Kurt and Kurt is holding her up, giving her strength. They walk to the choir room and some people surround them. Blaine looks at Rachel with sympathy in his eyes and sees Kurt, being strong for Rachel. Kurt glances his way, seeing concern and adoration in Blaine's eyes for him. Kurt glances away, focusing back on Rachel.

Everyone goes to sit down while Rachel talks to Kurt for a second and Kurt nods and turns to sit down. The only chair left is next to Blaine, and he hesitates for a second but goes and sits there, sitting up straight. Rachel says a little speech and starts to sing "To Make You Feel My Love" and is crying through it. During the song, Kurt starts to get a little teary eyed but tries to hold them back. Without thinking, he reaches out next to him and grabs Blaine's hand that is lying on Blaine's leg. Blaine looks down, surprised, but squeezes Kurt's hand. Kurt realizes what he is doing, but he can't let go right now. He feels like he is starting to come apart and allows the strength from Blaine to seep through. At one point, Blaine looks at him with tears in his eyes and Kurt meets them but looks away quickly, however squeezing Blaine's hand slightly.

When the song ended, Rachel is just in tears, shaking. Kurt immediately goes over to her and hugs her, and takes her out of the room, Santana and Mercedes following them. He takes her to the ladies room to get a cool paper towel for her.

Mercedes comes up to Rachel. "Rachel that song was beautiful. I know Finn would have loved it."

Rachel smiles sadly, eyes still full of tears but trying to calm down a little bit. "Thank you."

Kurt smiles at Rachel, "Yes it was beautiful." Mercedes and Santana make small talk while Kurt gently dries Rachel's tears and the puffiness around her eyes. Rachel smiles gratefully to Kurt.

"Thank you guys, and thank you Kurt. You have been such a rock to me."

Kurt hugs Rachel, "Of course, that is what I am here for."

They leave the bathroom, all walking out to their cars. Kurt drives to Rachel to her house, making sure her Dads are there before driving back to his house. Burt had mentioned this morning before Kurt left that he wanted to talk to him. Kurt had a feeling he knew what it was about and really did not want to talk to his dad about anything. Kurt pulled up to the drive, trying to think of a way to get out of the talk, when he sees Blaine sitting on his front stops, déjà vu happening. Kurt sighs and gets out of the car.

"What are you doing here Blaine? Are you stalking me or something?"

Blaine looks at Kurt, kind of offended, "No, I didn't think wanting to be able to see my fiancé is considered stalking?"

Kurt just stares at him, then pushes past him and into the house, Blaine following. Kurt hears Blaine close the door and closes his eyes. It was now or never, but he had to do this, once and for all. He takes a deep breath.

Kurt turns around to Blaine, "You can go now."

"I can go now? That is all you have to say to me? Look Kurt I know you are going through a lot right now, but you keep on pushing me away and –"

Kurt laughs harshly, "Oh my God! I am feeling a little déjà vu happening here. Didn't we have this discussion last night? If you feel like I am pushing you away, why not go out and hook up with some guy again? I am sure you will be getting much more thrill and release out of that then having to put with your bitchy fiancé."

Blaine's temper starts to flare, "Kurt I thought we talked about this, I am not going to hook up with any guy ever again! I thought we went over all this? You did agree to marry me didn't you? What the hell is going on Kurt? Look I know you have been going through a lot, with losing Finn and –"

"Don't you dare try to start psychoanalyze me. And as far as us being engaged, like I said last night, maybe we should think again about that. You are starting to annoy me, well actually have been annoying me for some time now. I think I made a mistake in saying yes. I don't want you anymore. I don't love you anymore."

Blaine stands rigid, his eyes shooting fire, "Oh is that right? I am so so sorry your highness to have annoyed you." Blaine walks closer to Kurt, "And you don't love me anymore? Is that right too?" Blaine sees Kurt swallow but still holds himself rigid. Blaine sees a flash of something cross Kurt's eyes, not knowing exactly what it is but Blaine knows that Kurt is full of shit right now and calls him out on it.

"Kurt you are so full of it. I know you still want me. I know you still love me." Blaine walks closer to Kurt, looking straight into Kurt's big blue eyes. Kurt feels Blaine breathe on his face as he says, "You don't still want me, is that it? How come your breath caught just now, hmm?" Kurt stares at him, trying to show no emotion in his face, but damn his body for reacting to Blaine being so close. He feels Blaine run his hand down his arm to his waist, drawing Kurt closer. Kurt feels Blaine kiss his neck, right at the pulse point, sucking at the point. Kurt feels his pulse racing, and tries to stop it, to control it. "I can feel your pulse racing for me Kurt," Blaine whispers in a low voice, making Kurt swallow hard. Blaine continues kissing up the side of his neck, nipping at his ear. Blaine massages Kurt's arms and back, and nips at the base of Kurt's ear, where he knows always drives Kurt wild. Kurt is standing so rigid, his eyes closed, trying not to react, but he can't help but let out a small gasp. His body immediately reacts and Kurt can feel Blaine smile, as Kurt become hard against him. He immediately let's Kurt go, stepping back, looking at Kurt. Kurt is still holding himself as rigid as he can and he sees Blaine's eyes full blown with lust and want, and hears Blaine breathe slightly heavy. Kurt can tell that Blaine is trying to hold himself back from taking him, Kurt has been with Blaine long enough to know this. Then Kurt sees Blaine smile, not just any smile but an "I won" type of smile and says, "Now what is all this really about?"

Kurt feels like a bucket of cold water was dumped over him, his body immediately cooling down. Glaring at Blaine's arrogant smile, Kurt's body tenses back up as rigid as ever, Kurt's eyes going from lust to a flashing anger, turning almost grey and volatile, "How dare you pull that on me. How dare you tell me how I feel! I don't love you anymore, I don't want you anymore. You are nothing to me. You can go now." Kurt steps closer, his hands behind his back, subconsciously rubbing his ring, "You are probably still worked up Blaine since I am not going to give in and give you any anymore. So go to Scandals and hook up with a guy from there. I give you permission. We are over."

Blaine stares at him, looks taken back, confused, hurt, but then anger comes into his voice and eyes once again and laughs just as harshly as Kurt did earlier. He steps closer to Kurt, and says in a harsh, low, seductive voice.

"You know what Kurt? You are right, I am turned on still. Maybe I will go to Scandals." Blaine stares into Kurt's eyes then leans into Kurt's ears, and whispers, "Maybe I will take a guy home, strip off all his clothes, lay him out on my bed and just fuck him. Is that what you want?"

Kurt keeps his emotions in check but inwardly flinches and cringes thinking of Blaine undressing anyone else but him. Kurt's hands are still behind his back, trying to stop himself from grabbing Blaine and hugging and kissing him, telling him he doesn't mean all this. He only recently had gotten over what Blaine did last year and the thought of Blaine doing that again makes him want to scream. But Kurt knows he needs to do this. He can't let Blaine get any closer because he knows Blaine will one day leave. Everyone else is taken from him and he couldn't live if anything happened to Blaine. He need to keep his distance. Needs to let him go so he can heal. Rubbing his ring faster, Kurt replies.

"Yes, go ahead, you have my permission. You will wind up doing it again someday. Now go, we are over."

Blaine stares at him, not believing what Kurt just said. Kurt could see a myriad of emotions run across Blaine's face and eyes, hurt, confusion, sadness, and anger. But Kurt saw that anger won out and was slightly relieved, not knowing if he would be able to keep his distance if it was hurt or any other emotion that won out at this point.

"Fine, if that is how you want it. I don't know what else to say to you, what else to do. If you want it to be over, then, fine, it is over!"

Blaine spins around and walks to the door, jerking it open. Burt was just coming in and almost fell through the door with the force of the pull of the door opening. Blaine rushes past Burt and gets into his car, slamming his car door and takes off down the street.

Kurt stands in the living room, tense and rigid as ever, his cheeks flushed. _Oh my God, he really left? He left? _Kurt feels surprised at this and hollow._ I actually pushed Blaine away? _He almost feels like crying but catches himself._ No! I will not cry or give in. I did it, I really did it now,_ Kurt thinks. _But it had to be done. He will get over it and….….so will I. _

Burt looks at Kurt curiously, and sees Kurt so tense, so rigid, so not the Kurt he knows. Burt sighs, "What happened Kurt?"

Kurt looks over at his dad. _Showtime,_ Kurt thinks. Kurt laughs, "Well I broke it off with Blaine. Really did, did you expect me to marry my high school sweetheart? You know that never works out."

Burt stares at Kurt, looks at the door, and then turning back to Kurt he asks, "Kurt what did you just do?"

"What do you mean what did I do? I just told you – "

I know what you just told me, but Kurt," Kurt starts walking past Burt to go upstairs, "Kurt! Damn it, come back here, we have got to talk."

Kurt turns around, and walking back slowly, keeping his back straight, sits on the couch. Burt pinches his nose, knowing this is not going to be easy and sits in his recliner across from Kurt.

"Kurt, you know I love you right? I am just saying this because I do, so much. You are my son and I have been trying to give you time, I know how you get." Kurt starts to say something but Burt holds his hand up, stopping him. "Let me finish please." Kurt sighs and sits back on the couch.

"I know you miss Finn and I have been watching you with Rachel through this." Kurt tenses up even more. "Especially with Rachel. Rachel lost Finn, we all know how much Rachel loved Finn. We all know they were going to be married one day. Rachel actually came down to the shop yesterday to talk to me." Kurt raises his eyebrows. "Of course they weren't married and so it is slightly different, but she wanted advice to know how it was when your mom died. I won't go into details as that conversation was between me and Rachel. If she wants you to know the details she will tell you." Kurt's nodded, feeling a little put out. Kurt thought he was helping Rachel but maybe not as much as he thought.

"However it got me to thinking of the conversation with Blaine yesterday and things I have been noticing. You are pushing both me and him away, but him away the most. I feel like you are coming back to me, which I am so so glad for that." Burt's eyes got misty. "I can't lose another son." Kurt swallows a lump, and reaches his hand out to his dad's hand, squeezing it, his father squeezing back. Burt goes on.

"You keep pushing him away, and now you broke it off with him? Kurt that is going too extreme. I know how much you love him. I know –" Kurt cuts him off.

"No I don't! Not anymore," Kurt replies back, coldness coming into his voice.

Burt looks at Kurt sternly, "Kurt, don't lie to me. If you want to lie to yourself, that is your choice, but don't lie to me." Kurt stills, removing his hand from his dad's grasp. "I saw your face when he proposed, I knew what your answer would be even before you walked up to Dalton. You are right, most high school sweethearts don't work out but you and Blaine have never been like the others. At least not to me. What you two have, most people don't have. Look I think I know what you are trying to do. You see Rachel, see how she lost Finn, and you are afraid that could have been you, am I right?"

Kurt was looking down, and immediately his head comes up, stunned. His father knows him so well. He just stares at Burt, so many emotions crossing his big blue eyes, so many emotions of hurt and loss and vulnerability that makes Burt want to sweep up his son on his lap and cradle him, like he did when he was young. But Burt knew that Kurt would not let him, he also sees Kurt's stubbornness still deeply entrenched and knows Kurt is not willing to let his walls down yet. He needs more time.

"Kurt, look I am not going to try to make you do anything. I know I can't do that even if I tried. I know what it was like when I lost your mother. I didn't want to love anyone, it hurt so badly. It hurt to even look at you, you looked and still look so much like her. Your manners and heart are so much like her. It was so hard. You pushed me away the first couple of weeks, which some part of me was slightly glad." Kurt frowned. "I am not trying to hurt you but it's the truth. However after the first week, seeing you crying into your pillow each night, I knew I couldn't push you away. I lost your mother, she was my love, and I couldn't lose you too. Whatever happened, I wanted my time with you and I am glad I still have it. All I am saying is don't push Blaine away, if you need time, that is fine, but don't push him away forever." Kurt tenses back up at this last line. He had been listening to his father and part of him was about to give in but no. He can't give in now. The stubborn streak crosses his eyes again, his whole expression, and Burt sighs internally. He thought he was getting through to Kurt but apparently this is even more extreme then Burt had thought initially. He has been concerned about Kurt before but now he is truly worried. He had noticed Kurt not eating much lately, he had noticed at the funeral Blaine practically forcing Kurt to eat something, he noticed his son's even paler appearance lately and he knew Kurt gets this way when he is hurting, but this goes beyond anything he has seen before. He almost felt like Blaine in this moment, he didn't know what to do at this point. He felt like Kurt was coming back to him but now he feels like he is looking at a stranger. Burt was about to say something more when Kurt speaks up, his tone low and firm and almost frightening.

"Look Dad, thank you for this stroll down memory lane, but I will be fine. This is the best thing for me. I don't love Blaine anymore, I just want to be left alone. Now if you will excuse me, but I am going upstairs to pack. I have a plane to catch tomorrow." Kurt gets up and starts up the stairs, as Carol comes in the door.

"Hey Kurt! How are –" But Kurt interrupts her, looking out at his dad over the bannister.

"Are you still driving me to the airport in the morning? Be ready to leave at 7?"

Burt just nods and Kurt goes up stairs and they both hear the slight slam of his door. Carol looks at Burt with worry in her eyes. Burt's eyes start misting up again and Carol rushes over to him.

* * *

"…and the next morning, my dad dropped me off at the airport and here I am two weeks later. There, you have the whole story of the break up, are you happy now?"

Rachel stares at Kurt. She knows Kurt is trying to hold in his emotions, but she can tell throughout the telling of the story how Kurt's voice would catch, how tears would come to his eyes and he would try to blink them back. During the story, Rachel had gotten up and turned off the stove for the soup and tea, and brought over the tea cups for them, leaving the soup. Rachel sips her tea slowly, taking everything in. She understands what Kurt is going through, why he is acting like he is. Rachel feels such sorrow for Kurt and wants to help him. She pats the cushion next to him, and Kurt goes over and sits next to her.

"Kurt, your father told you he and I talked right?" Kurt nods stiffly. "I went to talk to him about Finn. I was going to talk to Carol but I didn't think she would up to talking, as I knew she was still grieving, so I went to your dad's shop, that is right. I needed to talk to someone that lost their person, lost their love. Your dad helped me out a lot, he is a great man." Rachel smiles. Kurt smiles back slightly, "Yes he is."

Rachel takes a deep breath. "Kurt, why did you break up with Blaine?"

Kurt had a feeling Rachel was going to ask this question, like others had. Kurt looks into Rachel's eyes and opens his mouth, to say that he doesn't love Blaine, that he just doesn't want to be with Blaine anymore, a million other things he usually came up with. But this time…this time, and to Rachel, he couldn't lie. "Because I can't lose him."

Rachel looks at Kurt, prodding him more, to make sure she was right. "I can't lose him Rachel. With losing my mother and almost losing my father twice already and now Finn. I saw how devastated you were, and still are, over Finn's death. It has been hard for me to think of Finn's death and then to think if it had been Blaine that died. I do, I love Blaine so so much but I need to keep my distance. If I stay with him, I will keep falling more and more and if he died, if something happened to him, I couldn't take it…I couldn't…" Kurt stands up, walking over to the window, swallowing several times to get rid of the lump in his throat. Rachel has tears in her eyes, seeing Kurt starting to break down, but trying to hold himself together at the same time. It is heartbreaking to watch. She goes over to Kurt and rubs his back.

"Kurt, have you even cried since Finn died?" Kurt stills under Rachel's hands, but shakes his head. Rachel sighs. "I didn't think so. And now you are afraid of losing Blaine like I lost Finn." Kurt nods. Rachel takes Kurt's hands and guides him back over to the couch. As she does so, she feels a metal hit her hand and looks down. She gasps, just now noticing that Kurt is wearing his ring.

"Kurt, you are wearing your ring again! When did you put it back on?"

Kurt swallows, and replies, "I never took it off." That sentence said it all for Rachel. She knew that she had to get through to Kurt. His heart and soul knew it was still Blaine, now she needed his mind to know too. Rachel looks into Kurt's eyes and starts talking.

"Kurt, when I went to talk to your dad, he asked me some questions and gave me good advice that helped me to see and helped me to start my healing. I didn't know why Finn had to be taken from me, from all of us, I still don't. But what I have learned from your dad and from all of this, is that life is short. Your dad told me you have to keep the ones you love closest to you." Kurt smiles, remembering his dad having told him that once too. "Even if I knew back at the start that I would lose Finn so shortly, I still would have been with him. But you know what? I am glad I didn't know that this was going to happen. I think if I had known, I would have been constantly looking over my shoulder and not really have been able to _live_ experiences with him. I would have had memories of fear and worry, living in a shell, waiting for death to come. I would not have all the great memories I have now, the love, the laughter, even the pain and heartbreak, all that Finn and I had together that made us _us." _Kurt looks at Rachel, surprised she is saying this. Rachel sees his expression and smiles at him, smoothing back his hair, like she did earlier when he was sick.

"Kurt I know you love Blaine. Don't even try to deny it anymore, I know you love him. I know you are afraid to lose him, that the thought of losing him is more than you could bear. I can understand pushing him away, not wanting to ever feel that pain." Kurt nods. "But Kurt, you can't live like that. I lost Finn, yes, and I miss him." Rachel's tears falls down her face. "I miss him every day. So many times something will happen and I grab my phone to call him, realizing he won't be picking up on the other end. I see how Blaine looks at you with so much love and I remember when Finn looked at me like that, knowing he will never look at me again. But Kurt you still have Blaine." She takes Kurt's hands and squeezes them. "You have what I wish I still had. You have a man who loves you more than life itself. I know it sounds cliché but I have absolutely no doubt that Blaine would die for you. He is living, breathing, doing everything he can to win you back. I know you are scared, I understand that, but please for people like me that have lost their love, their soul mate, you have to keep going for yours. You have to bring Blaine back in, back into your heart, your soul, your mind, your life. You can't push him away. Life is too short and I am afraid if you push him away, you will severely regret it one day." Kurt tenses up, as if being threatened but Rachel immediately dissuades that. "No I am not trying to threaten or anything, I am just stating a fact."

Kurt starts to relax a little, listening to everything Rachel is saying to him. Between his dad and Rachel, they have been trying to get through to him. Even Blaine. But he was still so scared. He knew that if he let Blaine back in this time, he would never ever let Blaine go. Rachel senses that Kurt is warring between his heart and mind.

"Kurt, look ultimately it is your decision. But I pray that you let Blaine back in. Let him love you again and more importantly, let yourself love him again. Fall deeper for him. I have seen both of you together, you two are it. You two are meant to be. I just hope that you will see that." Kurt nods, thoughts swirling through his mind. He feels like he needs some air, he needs to think.

"I think I am going to go for a walk." Rachel looks at him concerned, but he quickly puts her at ease. "I am fine, honestly. I just need to think…just need some fresh air to get my thoughts straight." Rachel nods, actually looking relieved. Kurt gets up and goes to get his coat. As he is putting it on, Blaine and Santana come in.

"Hey Lady Hummel, where are you off to?"

"I am going out for a walk," he says somewhat distractedly. Blaine looks at Rachel and then back at Kurt. "Would you like some company?"

"No," Kurt replies, and sees Blaine's face fall.

"Oh ok," and Blaine crosses the room to the couch. Kurt walks to the door, but turns around.

"Blaine?"

Blaine looks up, surprised Kurt is talking to him without any malice in his voice. "Yes?"

"Will…um…Will you still be here when I get back? I think…maybe we can talk?" Kurt asks nervously, almost afraid of what Blaine's answer would be, even though it is quite obvious what Blaine's answer would be.

"Of course I will be here. I am not going anywhere. Don't worry." Kurt nods and leaves the loft, sliding the door closed behind him.

Blaine turns to Rachel, "What happened? What did you say to him?"

Rachel shrugged, "We just talked and aired a few things. He talked about the break up you two had and really got to the heart of why he was pushing you away. I think I gave him some things to think about." Blaine doesn't say anything.

"Well, I am hungry. How about we order in some food?" Santana asks.

Rachel turned to her, looking a little confused. "Didn't you guys eat while you were out?"

"Well that was the plan but apparently hobbit was not hungry, so we went to the movies. I had some popcorn and a drink, but I am still hungry. So…Chinese? Pizza? What is your pleasure?"

Blaine got up and went over to his duffel bag. "Whatever is fine with me. I am going to take a shower." He grabs his stuff and heads to the bathroom.

Santana steps over to Rachel, "Ok you know you are going to have to spill. I know you can't tonight because of those two, but tomorrow morning, breakfast at our favorite diner?" and grabs the take out menus, looking through them

Rachel smiles, "Yep sounds good. But I want to know, have you ever noticed that Kurt all this time has been wearing his engagement ring?"

Santana stops looking through the menus and looks up, surprised. "No I never noticed that. Jeez¸ where the hell have we all been?"

Rachel shakes her head, laughing a little, "I don't know, but apparently not here for Kurt as much as we should have been." Rachel sighs. "I think he will be ok though. I think he and Blaine are going to be ok too."

"Good, because if I have to spend another two weeks with a Lady Hummel on PMS…well let's just say it would not be pretty. Now, which should we order, Chinese or Pizza?"


	5. Chapter 5

**This is the last chapter and Epilogue! I can't believe this is the end of my first story and first Klaine story! There is a little bit of love-making in this chapter, not enough to make it M rated, but still there. Just wanted to warn in case anyone feels uncomfortable with that kind of thing, but it is all about Kurt and Blaine's love though. **

**Slyn has been a HUGE help with this story. Thanks! **

**I have ideas for another story so hopefully I can get that going. But I hope you guys enjoy the ending to this story and let me know what you guys think! :)**

**I meant it put it on the other chapters but I forgot. I do not own Glee or the characters or anything. lol I so wish I did though :)**

**Stricken**

**Chapter 5**

Blaine, Santana and Rachel are all sitting down, enjoying the pizza. Well Rachel and Santana are, Blaine is taking little bites of his pizza, his eyes drifting towards the door every few minutes.

"It has been two hours now…what if he is hurt?" Blaine worries.

Santana replies, "I am sure he is fine. He is a big boy, this is not his first time walking around the city by himself. Plus he has his phone."

"Rachel, you said he was ok? You said he talked about the break up?"

Rachel nodded, "Yep he did. Are you ok Blaine? I know it must have been hard on you too."

"It was," Blaine replies, he gets up and heads over to the couch, leaning back and sighing. Rachel and Santana look at each other, but decide to leave him be. They talked quietly to each other, while meanwhile Blaine's mind went back in time, back to when Kurt said it was over…

* * *

_2 weeks earlier_

Blaine walks into his home, slamming the door behind him. Luckily no one is home and Blaine lets out a little scream. He runs his hand through his gelled back here and goes upstairs, slamming his bedroom door close, and paces. His mind is just swirling with anger. _How could Kurt say all of that? Doesn't he know I would never cheat on him again? He is my fiancé. He is…._ Blaine stops in place, the past hour coming back to him. _Oh my God! Kurt…Kurt broke up with me?_ _No…no, no, no!_ Blaine feels himself start to panic, remembering the nasty argument, and remembering Kurt saying it was over. Blaine's eyes start to water, his whole body shaking, he drops down on the floor, hunched over. _I am going to be sick, I am going to be sick_…. He runs into his bathroom and throws up. He leans back on the tile floor, remembering everything that was said. Blaine squeezes his eyes closed, remembering everything he said. _I can't believe I said I would take another guy home! I never ever would do that…never again. I don't want anyone else._ Blaine's eyes fill with tears but he quickly blinks them back.

_No! We are not over!_ Blaine mind goes back over the fights they have had, and this last one, and even though Kurt is trying to hide it, Blaine still sees the love. That is why he called Kurt out when Kurt said he didn't want him anymore, that he didn't love Blaine. Blaine felt how Kurt's body responded, how Kurt himself responded. How his blue eyes were full of lust but Blaine also saw, deep down, love was still there. And when Blaine talked about Scandals, Blaine remembers seeing Kurt flinch. Oh Blaine knew that Kurt was trying to hold his emotions in, but he saw the hurt in Kurt's eyes when he said that, saw the anger and jealousy. Blaine was too angry to really think about it at the time, but upon looking back, he remembers seeing that.

_I need to get him back. I can't lose him without a fight. There is obviously something going on, besides Finn's death. Burt said he pushed people away before, as part of his grieving process, and maybe it is that. If so, then he must be scared but why? I am not going anywhere. But I am so afraid I may be losing him… _

He gets up and washes his mouth out, going back into his bedroom and gets his phone. He thinks of calling or texting Kurt, but he knows Kurt would not even bother to listen to him at the moment. e He tosses his phone back on the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. _I will go over tomorrow morning and talk to him._

Burt pulls up into his drive, just having taking Kurt to the airport. As Burt gets out of his car, he sees Blaine pulling up into the drive behind him. Blaine gets out and waves to Burt, coming over to him.

"You are out early Burt."

Burt looks at Blaine quizzically. He takes off his hat, scratching his head. "Yes, well I just took Kurt to the airport."

Blaine blinks and then his face gets pale. He groans, "I thought he was not supposed to fly out until later. I forgot he changed his flight." Blaine chastises himself for forgetting that. He looks down, biting his lip and then he looks back up at Burt. "How is he?"

Blaine can feel Burt seizing him up a little. Whatever Burt was looking for apparently he found, as Burt nodded, and smiled.

"He seems to be ok, but I don't know. We got into a slight argument last night after you left." Blaine cringed and immediately started to apologize.

"I am sorry, I never meant to cause any tension between the two of you."

Burt held up his hand, "You didn't. It was Kurt, and me too a little bit. We talked a little bit on the way to the airport, and we are ok. I know he is going through a tough time right now. He needs all the support and love he can get. It would seem now more than ever."

Blaine stands up straighter. He feels as if Burt is testing him. He looks Burt in the eyes and says in a firm yet soft tone.

I know he said we were over, but we aren't. I don't mean to sound presumptuous but I know Kurt still loves me, and God knows I still love him. I can't lose him. I am not giving up on him and I will support him."

Burt's looks at Blaine, a proud look in Burt's eyes and nods again. He asks Blaine if he wants to come in for breakfast but Blaine politely declines. He says goodbye and leaves.

The last two weeks of school were long, yet fast at the same time. Blaine texted Kurt, and called him a couple of times. Blaine never heard back, which he was not surprised at first really, but then he got worried. Is Kurt ok? What if something happened to him? Blaine called Rachel and Santana to see how Kurt was, which they both said he was there and was ok, but they mentioned he didn't seem like himself lately. That he seemed to be slightly more bitchy than usual, Santana's choice of words, and asked what was going on. All Blaine could say was that he couldn't lose him and to watch out for him.

Graduation came and went, Blaine was sad Kurt was not there, but it just made him more determined to get Kurt back. He wanted to share everything with Kurt, every important event. The day after graduation Blaine booked a flight for New York and he asked if Burt would drive him to the airport. When he got out of the car at the airport, he thanked Burt. Just as Blaine was shutting the car door, Burt called out to him.

"Hey Blaine?"

Blaine opened up the car door, leaning down to see Burt, "Yes?"

"Good luck. I know Kurt won't make it easy at first. Yes he is grieving still but he is also stubborn. But I know you two will be fine."

Blaine leans back against the seat of the plane, remembering what Burt had said, that they will be fine. _God I hope so._ Soon he hears that their plane is about to land and before he knows it, he is walking out of the subway toward Kurt's loft. A minute later he feels drops on his face and starts running for cover.

* * *

_Present_

"Blaine? Blaine? Yo, hobbit!" Blaine blinks, coming out of his revelry. He sees Santana looking at him strangely. "Where did your mind run off to?"

"Nothing, just my mind going back. Thinking how it is I got here." Blaine rubs his face.

Santana looks at him questioningly, giving a sarcastic reply "First you took a plane to here and then –"

"I know how I got here…never mind. Anyways, what do you guys want to do tonight?" Blaine asks this as he glances over yet again at the door. "Maybe I should go try to find him," and he starts to get up and walk to the door.

Santana walks over and steers him away, "Oh no you don't. Lady Hummel knows his way around the city, stop worrying please. Jeez, never thought you were so high maintenance too." She deposits Blaine back on the couch, hands on her hips, she points to Blaine and says "Stay."

Blaine sighs in frustration, "Santana, I am not a dog."

Santana starts to say something more, but Rachel interrupts. Clapping her hands, she says, "Come on guys. I know! Let's watch a movie! Let's watch Moulin Rouge."

Santana rolls her eyes, "No dear God please. Didn't we just watch it last night?"

"No we never got around to it. Come on, it will be fun!" Rachel immediately gets up and goes over to put the DVD in. Santana leans over to Blaine "Please hobbit, if you love me at all, please don't let her play that! She and Lady Hummel have seen it way too many times."

Blaine, still smarting over being talked to like a dog, leans over closer and gives Santana a mischievous grin, "Well it is a good movie. I love the part where –"

Santana straightens up and gasps, "What? They got to you! I know you liked the Come What May song, but I thought that was it? Even I thought that was a little gay, even for you my dear hobbit, but you mean you actually like the whole movie?"

Blaine shrugs, still smiling. "Well I do love the song yes, and I do like the movie." He calls over to Rachel, "I say we do a sing along." For which Rachel claps her hands again, agreeing. Blaine gives Santana a smug grin.

Santana glares at Blaine, "I thought you were on my team."

Blaine looks down at himself and back up, "Um...if I was on your team, I don't think Kurt would have even given me a chance."

Santana rolls her eyes and starts to make a remark when they hear the door open and close. Kurt walks in, looking a little more relaxed then he had when he left. You could tell there is still some tension in him, he still is holding himself a bit rigid, but there seems to be a little change in him.

Rachel sees him and her eyes light up, "Kurt! I am so glad you are back. We are just putting in Moulin Rouge." Kurt smiles and glances over at Santana, and back "Sounds good. We all know it is Santana's favorite movie. I say let's go for it."

Rachel speaks up, "Blaine even suggested we should do a sing along." Rachel smiles conspiratorially at Kurt. Blaine felt like he was missing something but Kurt raises his eyebrows at Blaine, looking a little impressed. "Oh did he. I am sure Santana loved that idea too."

Santana rolls her eyes, "I feel like I am going to be sick right now. Fine, if I am going to have sit through this movie yet again, at least I am going to have some good old Grey Goose to keep me company." She gets up and goes over to a cupboard, taking out the vodka. "A shot anyone?"

Everyone declined and Santana just shrugged as if to say suit yourself and took two shots right off the bat. "Woo hoo! A few more of these and I should be set."

They all settled down to watch the movie. Santana sat on one of the chairs and Blaine, Kurt and Rachel sat on the couch. Kurt tensed a little when Blaine sat next to him, but forced himself to relax. During the movie, Rachel and Kurt would sing along to certain songs, mainly doing it to annoy Santana, and Santana would keep sighing and making comments over the whole thing. Sometimes Blaine would sing along too, but mostly he just observed. This was the first time he saw Kurt really having fun in a while. Sure at times Kurt would seem tense, especially when he would accidentally brush against Blaine, but Kurt seemed to enjoy annoying Santana and remarking to Rachel about the movie. Blaine tried to keep from laughing out loud, remembering Rachel's grin earlier to Kurt when she told him about the sing along. He realizes now that this was not the first time Rachel and Kurt had done a sing along to annoy Santana. Blaine felt like he was slowly seeing Kurt, his Kurt, coming back. It was in pieces, but his Kurt was still there.

As the movie wore on, the singing died down a little. At one point, Rachel's head started to lean against Kurt's shoulder, snuggling up. When the song Come What May came in, both Kurt and Blaine had tears in their eyes. Kurt and Blaine would always hold hands when watching this song, and out of instinct more than anything else, Kurt reaches out and takes Blaine's hand. Blaine immediately feels Kurt's soft hand in his and looks down. What he sees catches his breath. _Kurt is still wearing my engagement ring!_ He looks over at Kurt and back down. He smiles and squeezes Kurt's hand, lightly rubbing the ring.

At the end of the movie, Kurt turns to Blaine and looks down, realizing he is holding Blaine's hand. He just stares for a moment at it, seeing his ring and looking up at Blaine. From Blaine's expression he knows that Blaine saw the ring still on his finger. Kurt slowly removes his hand from Blaine, immediately missing the warmth and turns to Rachel, not surprised to find her asleep. Kurt looks over at Santana and she is asleep herself. Kurt looks at Blaine and in a silent communication, they each take a girl and help them to their beds, tucking them in. As Kurt comes out of Rachel's room, he goes and turns off the lights and making sure the door is locked. As he turns around, he sees Blaine looking at him.

"I know I said I wanted to talk tonight, but can we in the morning? Will you still be here? I mean…I still need more time and…" Kurt trails off, unsure what to say really, looking down. He knows they had a couple of moments tonight but he is still afraid. He is almost afraid he might have pushed Blaine too far. I mean sure he is still here but…what if he is gone in the morning?

"Kurt," Blaine replies softly.

Kurt looks back up, into gentle golden-green eyes looking at him as if he was the most precious jewel in the world. Kurt gasps silently to himself as Blaine smiles softly at him.

"I'll be here."

* * *

Kurt wakes up, to the sun shining. He sighs and stretches, trying to work out the kinks in his muscles. He smells coffee from the next room and it smells heavenly to him. He gets up and gets dressed, deciding to take a shower later. He goes into his nightstand to get some socks out and he accidentally closes the drawer a little hard, making the picture on top fall over. Kurt immediately rights the picture, not thinking about it, when he freezes. He stares at the picture. The picture of him and Finn, their high school graduation pictures. His mind is in a whirl, the night of getting the phone call from his father saying Finn had died, the funeral, the memorial service from Mr. Schue, Rachel singing for Finn….…Finn sitting on the couch, calling him little brother. "I still am older than you." He says to the picture again, but once again, all he hears is silence.

Kurt gasps, his hand over his mouth. _Oh my God no…no…he isn't answering. He won't ever answer_….Kurt feels his chest tightening. Tears start forming, he shuts his eyes, trying to hold them back but they won't stop this time. Tears start running down his cheeks, _no, no, no…._

Just at that moment, Blaine comes in. "Coffee's ready and I made some…..Kurt?" Blaine rushes over, hearing Kurt gasping, as if trying to breathe

Kurt turns to Blaine, gasping and barely gets out, "My brother is dead," and immediately his legs starts to buckle, feeling himself falling when strong arms surround him. Strong warm arms that have caught him every time he starts to fall, but this time Kurt knows it is Blaine's arms. He is so glad it is Blaine's arms, he needs Blaine's arms. Kurt latches onto Blaine, his crying one of devastation and loss. "I'll never see him again. I'll never get to see his goofy smile, or get onto him for being too loud when watching football or…" He looks at Blaine, "Blaine he is dead, he is dead…no no no…" and cries even harder, clutching onto Blaine's shirt. Blaine holds him tighter, and picks him up, carrying him over to the bed. Blaine settles Kurt on the bed, leaving for a second to get a tissue, but Kurt not realizing this and thought he was leaving for good. "Blaine, no, no, you can't leave me too!" starting to get up as if going to stop Blaine from leaving, feels himself gasping for air. Blaine is immediately back and in the bed, taking Kurt in his arms, rubbing his back, stroking his hair "Kurt, baby breathe. I am not leaving you, shhh, I am right here. It is ok. I am not going anywhere. I got you. Breathe, baby please." Kurt holds even tighter to Blaine, Kurt whimpering. Kurt finally giving into the pain of losing a brother, and of how he almost made himself lose Blaine too. Kurt keeps mumbling words, but yet doesn't comprehend what he is saying. Whatever the words are, Kurt feels Blaine's hold tighten around him, never stopping rubbing his back, or kissing his hair, his forehead, his fingers. Blaine never stops saying "I love you, I got you Kurt. I am right here. It's ok," and other soothing words and endearments. Blaine saying this over and over again, Kurt tears never seeming to stop.

It was late afternoon. Blaine is laying on the bed, holding his love, his Kurt. He looks down at Kurt, brushing away his hair and leaning down to kiss his forehead. He feels Kurt stir a little, whimpering, but then settles back down into sleep. Blaine sighs, holding Kurt even closer, if that was possible. Blaine finally gave into his own tears, thinking how much Kurt is hurting right now. When he came in Kurt's room this morning letting him know coffee was ready, he wasn't sure what kind of reaction Kurt would give him. He had no idea that Kurt would be crying, finally breaking down.

Blaine didn't even think when he saw Kurt fall, he just instinctively went to catch him. When Blaine laid him on the bed and the split second he left, Blaine's heart broke when Kurt panicked thinking that Blaine was leaving him too. Blaine would hear Kurt mumble about losing his mother, Finn and he would hear Kurt saying to Blaine to not leave him, that he was sorry. Blaine's heart broke even more hearing Kurt talk about his mom and Finn and that Kurt seemed to think Blaine would leave him too. Blaine did all he could to try to reassure Kurt, holding him tighter. Rachel and Santana had come in from their breakfast and seeing Kurt finally crying, gave Kurt and Blaine their privacy. However Blaine would call upon them to bring in water now and then, making Kurt drink some as Blaine was afraid he would get too dehydrated with all the crying.

Blaine only got a little bit of a break when Kurt would fall sleep. But it was only for bits at a time, and usually resulted in Kurt waking up crying as if from a nightmare. Or sometimes Kurt would be silent in his sleep but tears were still streaming down his face. The only time Blaine left Kurt was when he had to use the bathroom, but even for those short periods, Kurt would be restless and when Blaine would come back, Kurt would immediately latch onto Blaine like he was a lifeline. Blaine's heart kept breaking throughout the day, seeing his love like this, but Blaine kept holding on to Kurt, always patient, and gentle and loving.

When evening came, it would seem that Kurt was all spent out of tears. Kurt woke up, his head hurting and a glass of water was brought to his lips, telling him gently to drink. Kurt did so, and mumbles softly that he has a headache. Kurt feels Blaine kiss his forehead and an "I'll be right back." Kurt feels the warmth leave, knowing Blaine will be right back that he is just getting medicine, but Kurt starts to panic. He tries to calm himself, and as he sees Blaine come back in with the Tylenol, Kurt starts to feel relieved. _He is still here, he came back_.

"Thanks," Kurt mumbles, swallowing the aspirin with the water. Kurt looks down, seeing his wrinkled clothing. Kurt's fashion sense starts to wake up from the hibernation it has been in the past couple of months and Kurt gasps. He gets up and rushes over to the mirror, Blaine looking at him with concern, not knowing what Kurt is thinking. Kurt gasps again, seeing himself in the mirror. His shirt all wrinkled, his eyes were all red and puffy, his checks red too and tear stained, his hair ruffled, and all in all he looked a mess.

"Oh my God, I look hideous! My skin is all puffy, I am going to have to do extra moisturizing for that, my hair….did I walk yesterday with my hair a mess? I look…" Kurt just looks down at himself helplessly, tears in his eyes, realizing how far gone he had been. Blaine walks over to Kurt and turns Kurt around gently, but Kurt is looking down. Blaine gently lifts Kurt's chin with his finger, meeting Kurt's ever changing blue eyes that Blaine could stare into forever. Blaine's eyes rove over Kurt's face, taking in his hair, the puffy eyes, the tear stained face, and smiles at Kurt. "You are beautiful."

Kurt bursts into tears again, calling Blaine a dork, but hugging Blaine. Blaine hugs Kurt back and they stand there for a few minutes, holding each other. Kurt calms down a little and pulls back and walks over to the bed, sitting on it gingerly.

"I'm sorry Blaine." Tears well up in Kurt's eyes again. "I am so sorry for everything. I am sorry I was mean to you. I am sorry I pushed you away. I was just afraid…"

Blaine asks, "Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that you would leave me. Afraid that you would die. It seems like everyone I love dies or comes close to it. First my mom, and then my dad almost dying twice, and now…Finn." Kurt gasps and more tears come running down his face. Blaine holds him tightly as Kurt's cries some more.

When Kurt lets this bout of tears out, he tries again to explain to Blaine. "I saw how Rachel was devastated in losing Finn. I started to think what if it was you? I figured if I pushed you away enough, keep the distance, then I would stop falling for you. If I stopped falling for you, then if something happened it would not be as painful. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

Blaine looks at Kurt with sadness and understanding "Oh Kurt…"

Kurt keeps going, "But after talking with Rachel yesterday, I realized I can't shut you out. I tried to stop falling for you but it didn't work. I would fool myself into thinking I had but I never did stop loving you Blaine." Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes, taking Blaine's hands. "I did not mean it when I said I didn't love you anymore. I do love you, I do."

Blaine smiles, "I know Kurt. I knew, I told you so in our fight remember?" Kurt nods. "Plus you are wearing your engagement ring again."

Kurt smiled, "I never took it off. I couldn't. I would tell myself I should do it, especially after the last fight, but I never could. I tried but I never could."

Blaine stares at Kurt and says, "How on earth did I miss that you have been wearing it?"

"It's ok, even Rachel and Santana didn't notice. I guess until I acknowledged that I couldn't take it off, that I couldn't let you go, it was going to be invisible….yet in a visible way." Kurt snorts, thinking about what he just said. "I don't know if that even makes any sense."

Blaine replies softly, "It does."

Kurt goes on, "Again I am so sorry Blaine." Kurt pauses, then speaks again, his voice a whisper as if he were in a confessional. "I would fight constantly against myself. The last two weeks were so hard. At times I was glad I pushed you away, but then other times I was afraid what if I pushed you too far away…what if I pushed you far enough away and you decided not to come back. And then I remembered what you said, about finding a guy at Scandals and…"

Blaine interrupts, "I am so sorry Kurt for saying that, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I know what I did the first time, but believe me, I still have not forgiven myself for that. And then throwing up possibly doing it again? I would never do that to you again. That was wrong of me to even say that." Blaine walks over to Kurt, "I am so sorry."

Kurt steps back a little, continuing, "On top of thinking what if you died, after the fight, I was afraid that what if you did find someone else." Blaine started to speak but Kurt rushed on. "That you would find someone who is not as dramatic as I am, or not as bitchy, who doesn't have a temper, or someone better looking, not so pale, not girly looking or sounding. But when I would think all those things, I would to try to convince myself that pushing you away was good…that you should find someone who was…perfect…"

"Kurt," Blaine says in a low voice, his knuckle tenderly stroked down Kurt's red face, puffy still, looking at Kurt with love in his eyes, "Yes, you are bitchy and dramatic. And you do have a temper that is for sure." Kurt tries to twist away from Blaine, trying to get up but Blaine holds him down. "You are right, I should find someone perfect." Kurt stills in Blaine's hands. Blaine reaches up and takes Kurt's face in his hands, looking into Kurt's eyes. "I love your bitchiness, it is actually hot," Blaine smiles as Kurt snorts in disbelief. Blaine lowers his hands, rubbing down Kurt's shoulders and arms. "I love that you are dramatic, brings some life into my world. Your temper I love too, you are always so passionate about things. It is actually as hot as you being bitchy." Kurt just shakes his head, rolling his eyes. "As far as better looking, there is no one better looking than you. I love your eyes, sometimes it is hard to tell what color they are, sometimes blue, blue-green, at times grey. They change with your emotions, your passions. Your hair is always so soft, your skin is flawless and as far as any girly attributes…believe me if I thought any part of you was at all "girly" I would not even be attracted to you. I like males, which I think you should know all too well by now." Giving Kurt a sexy wink, making Kurt blush a little, and Kurt looked down, smiling slightly.

"You may see yourself full of flaws, but I see you as perfect." Kurt's eyes snap up to Blaine's eyes. "I did find someone perfect, I found you." Kurt's eyes become wet again for the hundredth time that day. Blaine again runs his knuckle gently down Kurt's face, cupping his cheek, "As far as pushing me away, you could never ever push me far enough away that I would not come back to you. I will always come back to you. I am not going anywhere nor will I ever be with anyone else ever again. I didn't want anyone else even then, despite what happened, and I don't want anyone else now. I only want you. You and I will be around for a long time, don't ask me how I know, but I just know that we have a long life ahead of us. I love you Kurt."

Blaine leans in and kisses Kurt, drawing Kurt closer to him, Kurt willingly obliging. Kurt drapes his arms around Blaine's neck, and kisses Blaine back. This kiss was different than last time. There was still a little desperation to it, but a desperation born out of being away for so long, needing to fill each other up again. Kurt kisses Blaine, pressing closer to him, pushing Blaine backwards, till they reach the bed. Kurt pushes Blaine back on the bed, laying on top of Blaine, still kissing him, their mouths open, tongues running in and out of each other's mouths. Blaine stops Kurt for a moment, pushing him back a little.

"Kurt, we don't have to do this now." Kurt backs up, looking a little hurt and feeling like maybe Blaine is rejecting him, that Blaine does not want him after all.

"You don't want me?" Kurt says, sadness in his voice. Blaine realizes how he must have sounded to Kurt and his eyes widen.

"No! That is not what I meant. I do want you, so much. I will never stop wanting you, in all ways. But with everything that happened today, I don't want you to think that we have to do anything. I am ok with just holding you too. I want you to be comfortable."

Kurt smiles, feeling relieved. "I want you Blaine. I know today has been trying, but I need to feel you against me. I need to feel your love all around me. Please, Blaine…"

Blaine slowly pushes Kurt back, kissing Kurt with such tenderness. His hands sweeping up and down Kurt's body, tugging up Kurt's shirt, feeling Kurt's stomach. Blaine lifts up and takes off his shirt and Kurt's as well, both only having pants on for the moment. Blaine takes in Kurt's pale skin and too thin body, but still finds Kurt beautiful. Blaine kisses Kurt's stomach, feeling Kurt's indrawn of breath, kisses up to his chest and up Kurt's neck. Kurt sighs, feeling Blaine's lips on him. Kurt knows that Blaine is trying to be gentle with him and he loves Blaine for that. But he doesn't want gentle right now. He needs to feel Blaine against him. Blaine makes his way up to Kurt's mouth again, and Kurt kisses him back hungrily. He immediately nips at Blaine's mouth, making his mouth open and Kurt's tongue slides in, making Blaine moan. Kurt feels Blaine harden against him, Kurt is also hard himself, as it has been so long.

"Blaine, don't be gentle. I want to feel you. I need to know you are still here."

The next thing they know, both pants are off, both of their underwear are off, and they are both naked. They both take each other hungrily in. Kurt missed Blaine's muscles and his tan golden skin. Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes, which having turned darker, greener, as Blaine is looking at Kurt with arousal but with love too. Blaine leans in and kisses Kurt like never before. Taking Kurt's lips into his mouth, sucking hard, his tongue and Kurt's doing battle, Blaine hungrily tasting Kurt's neck, his ears, everywhere. Not long after, Kurt gets what he had asked for, he feels Blaine is inside of him and Kurt's eyes swell with tears.

After all that happened this past year, with all their ups and downs, this affirmation feels needed, feels intense, feels that no matter what happens, they will make it through it, together, as one. He wraps himself around Blaine, trying to bring himself closer, already in an act that is close as one can get. The rhythm set became about them and their love, in an act as old as time. Blaine looks at Kurt and sees _his_ Kurt there. His love came back to him and an overwhelming feeling of wholeness came over Blaine. Kurt opens his eyes, knowing the end of their love-making is near, staring into green eyes full of wonder and love, and Kurt hangs on tighter to Blaine, knowing that Blaine is _his_ and always will be. That Blaine is not going anywhere. They both are staring into each other's eyes, feeling the firm rhythm of their bodies and their hearts strengthen, acknowledging this was it, it was just the two of them, would always be just the two of them, when suddenly they both let go, backs arching, loud moans coming from both men.

Kurt is laying on Blaine's chest sometime later, feeling relaxed and satiated and loved. He feels Blaine playing with his hair, every once in a while giving a kiss on his head or Kurt would look up and give Blaine a kiss, then lay back down.

Kurt gets up slightly, looking down at Blaine, and whispers to Blaine, "I love you. I think that was best love-making we have ever had. It was so intense, so close, so…perfect." Blaine smiles back. "I love you too. You're right, it was." And they kiss for a minute, getting lost in each other. Kurt sighs and rolls to his side, being the little spoon, feeling Blaine's arms wrap around him. Kurt looks over and see the graduation pictures and starts to feel a lump in his throat again, tears stinging his eyes, begging to come out. Kurt whispers, "Do you think the pain will go away? Will I ever stop crying?" Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt.

"Kurt, only today have you really allowed yourself to cry as a form of grief. It is ok to cry, I am actually kind of relieved that you are crying. In time, the crying will be less, and the pain will slowly dull to an ache. I know you will always miss him. It's ok. I will be here for you, and Rachel and Santana and your parents. It's ok." Blaine kisses Kurt's head softly. "I love you."

Kurt turns and snuggles against Blaine, tears coming down his face. Blaine tightens his hold, letting Kurt cry against his shoulder.

* * *

**Epilogue**

_A few months later_

"Kurt are you coming? We are going to be late."

"I'm coming, just a minute." Kurt adjusts his sweater and giving himself one final look over, finds himself to be ready. He looks around their room to see if he is forgetting anything. Blaine had been living there for the past few months, nothing official being said, just seemed natural that Blaine would be sharing Kurt's bedroom, and his bed, after that fateful night a few months before. They had a nice summer together, Kurt working and Blaine finding a job as well at Callbacks, the piano bar. Kurt was a little put out that Blaine wasn't working with him at the diner, but Blaine said he didn't think it would be too wise if they lived together, and worked at the same place. Kurt had huffed about it but could see Blaine's point, that Blaine was right. But Kurt would never admit it to Blaine that he was right of course.

Blaine's back is to their bedroom as he is reading over a paper he had been working on, waiting for Kurt, when Kurt walks into the room.

"Woo hoo! Damn, Lady Hummel. If I were straight, I would be trying to hook up with you right now," giving Kurt a wink. Rachel smiles at Kurt, having seen Kurt's outfit a few minutes ago when she went to check on him.

Blaine had spun around and his eyes widen and breath catches, his eyes roving up and down Kurt's body, that thankfully from Blaine's help, is a little more filled out now, back to the slenderness it once was. Kurt smirks to himself, he was hoping for Blaine to react this way, but puts his face in an innocent look, glancing down at himself. Kurt is wearing a tight fitted blue sweater that matches his eyes and works well against his pale alabaster skin, tight as anything black jeans, with boots, making him look taller. His hair is coiffed and he applied some eye liner, very subtle, not too much, but just enough to make his blue eyes pop out even more.

"Is something wrong? Do I not look ok?"

Blaine opens his mouth, and closes it, clearing his throat, and tries again. "You look fine," Blaine barely is able to get out.

"Just fine? I was hoping for a little more than that." Putting a sad face on, pretending to be look hurt.

Santana sees what Kurt is doing and joins in on the fun. She immediately turns to Blaine, hands on hips. "Hobbit are you blind? You think he looks just fine?"

"No, no, you do not look fine." Kurt deflates, looking even sadder, "I don't look fine?" All the while secretly enjoying messing with Blaine, watching him panic a little.

"Way to go hobbit, look at how sad you made our Porcelain feel. Jeez, what kind of fiancé are you?"

Blaine closes his eyes, willing for the right words to come out of his jumbled brain, and opens his eyes again. "I mean, you look more than fine. You look hot."

Smiling Santana crosses her arms over her chest. "That's better."

Kurt also smiles and leans in to Blaine, chuckling lightly, "Man you are so easy."

Blaine leans back questioning, looking between Kurt and Santana, and he realizes they both had been messing around with him just now. He huffs and goes to get his jacket. Kurt still is chuckling behind him, and Santana as well. Santana comes over to Blaine, hang an arm around his neck.

"Awww come on hobbit, you walked yourself right into that one." Blaine feels his mouth twitch. He looks back at Kurt, seeing Kurt's eyes filled with mirth and love as he is looking at him.

It had been a little over six months since Finn's passing. During that time there was a lot of heartbreak, fights, grieving, and tests given to love and faith and relationships. Since Blaine had come that fateful weekend to fight for Kurt, there has been a healing brought about. It had been hard for Kurt at first. It took Kurt some time to come to terms with his grief, he still had trouble at times, but he has been better lately and able to move on. Blaine had been there for him every step of the way, even if at some moments Blaine's shoulders would be soaked with tears. Rachel had been there too, Rachel and Kurt still relied on each other a lot, and sometimes, when Kurt was not leaning on Blaine's shoulders, he would lean on Rachel's. Rachel and Kurt would share a bed together or be found in each other's arms at times, talking quietly to each other, or crying, one holding the other. For some people, it might have bothered them to see their fiancé leaning on another person's shoulder instead of their fiancé's, but it never bothered Blaine. Blaine knew Kurt needed to grieve in his own way and he knew Rachel and him had a bond, one that grew tighter especially since Finn's death, that was different from being a fiancé but just as important.

Kurt looked at Blaine, chuckling still, noticing that Blaine was trying not to smile. Santana goes into her room to get her purse, as Rachel heads into the bathroom before they leave. Kurt walks over to Blaine, and puts his arms around Blaine's neck, blue eyes smiling happily into hazel ones. Kurt is so glad that Rachel and his father was able to talk sense back into him. Kurt knows that no matter how hard he would have tried, he would never been able to let Blaine go. He knows that even if something happened to Blaine tomorrow, he would never regret being with Blaine, even with all the heartache and tears, there was a lot of love and happiness they shared too. Rachel was right. Kurt still had Blaine, Kurt could still hold Blaine and kiss him, be with him and he was never going to take that for granted.

"You do know that you really do look great in that outfit. It is going to be so hard to keeps my hands off of you tonight. Do we have to go the concert? I think I would much rather stay in and do other things." Blaine looks at Kurt with puppy dog eyes.

Kurt laughs, "Oh no. We have to go." His eyes took on a mischievous hint in them. "I wore this outfit on purpose you know. I knew it would make it…um…hard for you to keep your hands off me. I figured I could have a little fun with you tonight at the concert, knowing you want to touch me but can't. Not until later."

Blaine's hazel eyes darkened, full of desire, lust and love. He was so glad Kurt came back to him. He loved when Kurt could make him smile and laugh and loved that his fiancé could drive him wild.

He gives Kurt a look of promise and leans in, saying in a low voice, "Later tonight, you are mine," and he sees Kurt's eyes darken slightly. Blaine smiles, love shining from his eyes, "I love you Kurt."

"I love you too," he says to Blaine, and kisses him. He feels Blaine melt against him, feels Blaine's hands on his hips, drawing him closer. He loves Blaine's hands on him, not always in a sexual way, despite the conversation they just had, but just knowing that Blaine's hands can be on him still, that he can still feel them. That Kurt can feel Blaine's strength and love, lust, everything that has him falling deeper in love with Blaine each day, and without any fear now. The kiss becomes more passionate, tongues becoming involved, little gasps of breath sounding out in the room.

"Oh Jeez, not again!" Kurt and Blaine break apart, startled, looking a little flushed. Santana turns to Rachel, who is just coming out of the bathroom, "Why is it that every time they are alone in the room together they are holding hands or hugging? I don't even want to think of all the times we have walked in on them making out. Not to mention hearing them late at night." Kurt rolls his eyes and glares at Santana.

"Oh really Santana? You talk about us? What about you and your lady friends. We aren't the only ones that one can hear late at night." Santana eyes narrow at Kurt.

Rachel and Blaine look at each other and Rachel rushes in before it comes heated, as they have had this fight several times before, and no one really wins. "Come on guys, let's go. We don't want to be late for the concert."

Blaine agrees, "Yeah, why don't you and Santana go on, we will catch up with you guys. Kurt and I will just lock up."

Santana just rolls her eyes and leaves the building, Rachel smiles a thank you to Blaine and goes after her.

Kurt watches as Blaine turns off all the lights, leaving one in in the corner so it isn't pitch black when they come in. Kurt starts thinking, rubbing his ring subconsciously. Sure Rachel and he may fight on occasion, and sure Santana can be a bitch at times, but Kurt can't really say anything about that considering he can be just as bitchy as Santana, but they are his family and one thing Kurt knows is that Finn would never want him to push away those that he loved. Finn would want him to move on and to keep loving. Kurt knew he would always miss Finn, some part of him would always ache at the loss of his brother. But that is part of life and sometimes thing happen for a reason. The answer as to why Finn died still had not revealed itself to Kurt and maybe it never would. But maybe that was ok. It was ok not knowing all the answers. He was ready to get back out there and start living, make mistakes, get hurt, and love and laugh.

Kurt is suddenly filled with a partial sight of his future, a house with little ones, Blaine with a little boy, adjusting his football helmet, and he feels Finn's presence there, and then Kurt is brought back to the present. Kurt tenses for a second, and he feels his eyes stinging with tears. But he slowly relaxes and it is almost as if he feels Finn is there giving him a boost, as if saying it is ok to look toward the future.

Blaine finishes turning off the lights and heads towards the door, getting his jacket on and then turns to Kurt and sticks his hand out "Ready?"

He looks at Blaine, the love of his life, warm hazel eyes looking at him with so much love. _God, I love this man,_ Kurt thinks. With Kurt's new insight, Kurt is even more eager than before to start on this next journey with Blaine. He knows Blaine and him will always make it, always be able to look toward the future and not be afraid. He smiles and walks over to Blaine and takes his hand, giving Blaine a kiss. "Ready."


End file.
